You've Always Said: A Poem to My Mom

You’ve always said

No matter what

You would always be there.

You’ve always said

To not feel safe

Is your own failure.

 

Isn’t it ironic?

That every day

I have to choose

Between myself

And what you want?

 

Isn’t it ironic?

That every day

I sit there and think

How to get through

What you swore to prevent?

 

I tell myself never again

My gut screams at me

Begging me to silence.

 

I tell myself never again

Even as you reach out

I am wary of the past

And its cost.

 

History doesn’t repeat,

It rhymes.

Your past and mine

Are in a different time

Different circumstance

But all too familiar.

 

You’ve always said

No matter what

You were safe

So how did we get here?

Where I know my fate

If I am honest

About myself

And you.

You’ve always said

You would walk with me

And that you would listen

And do whatever it takes.

 

I don’t want a fight

I don’t want a war.

I don’t want to hear those arguments

That echo in my core.

                                    

So you’ve always said

What you would do.

So here I am

But where are you?