it is not mandatory to date men. (vent, bpd)

i am losing my mind over this man i am over it i should not be dealing with this why am i putting up with this lame ass behaviour it's more and more cringe every single second 

we've been best friends for 3 years and going out for 1. We have the most special connection in every way possible, i love being physically with him and calling and all, but most of the time i cannot put up with him. grown ass man acting like an useless child or emo cringe prepubescent. 

we've broken up like 4 or 5 times over this last year but i cant be apart from him, i love him and i love this conection and spark we have when we're together, but i cant bear watching his stories or texting or even having an opinion of my own because he is INSUFFERABLE in every oportunity he has. 

(minors get out)i cant even be just friends with him bc we have such a special fire between us, the sex is AMAZING, we've built this connection for the last years and i cant talk to him without feeling things; we tried being friends and we just started "jokingly" flirting and ended up sleeping together again lol 

but i cant stand most of his actions and its no use telling him. I told him what he could change (like him absolutely hating and roasting on me when i dare to have an opinion of any kind, or not giving me any gifts because "not because im the man i should just give you stuff" YOURE MY BF DONT YOU LOVE ME AND WANT TO SEE ME HAPPY apparently he was waiting for ME to give HIM flowers so he could give me ones?????? the AMOUNT of money, time and materials i've spent in gifts for this man over the last 3 years THE AUDACITY) but it's no use, he thinks he's never in the wrong and has an ego the size of the whole UNIVERSE and i am proud too, of course.

anyway this is a vent i have bpd when we see each other again and get railed or whatever i'll go back to thinking he's the best man in the world (we havent seen each other properly for three weeks or more lol) this sucks wish me luck getting sane again