My professor saw my Self H*** scars

⚠️ $elf háŕming, $uicide mentioned 

      But it have a good ending :)

At first, I was planning to write a blog about how I have to drop out of school due to having memmory lose (due to stress) caused by somebody who refuse to go see a therapist. Then, something hit me. Why don't I write something possitive rather than digging into my old scars? (Haha)

That afternoon after classes were over. I was too scared to went back to my dorm because I lived alone and I might ended up doing something foolish so I started to wandering around the building where I ended up in front of my advisor's office and just happened to see her walking out of the room. I asked her if she was free for a talk about my future. I don't know why I decided to talk to her. I didn't even know what to say to her at that time. Maybe my body and mind did really craved for help (lol). 

She agreed to help and let me sit arcoss from her desk inside her office. My mental health have already affected my speaking ability that time so it took some time for me to form a speech and she just sat across os me patiently listening to me untill she saw them, the bright red cuts on my forearm. She started saying something like... 'what did you do to yourself?' and 'no...no...'. I was really scared at first, scared of being yelled at for doing something so ill and disturbing. I tried to play it cool and said something like 'it's not what you think' and 'I'm fine' but she then rushed over to my side and hug me tightly. 

I didn't remember much after that point but I just cried my eyes out and keep saying apologizing to her. Maybe it's becuase I don't want her to see something like this. I don't want to make anyone worry. She then helped me talk out about some of my problems and then told another professor (whoes work directly involved with some problem students like me) about my problem. She was also really helpful and I can even write another blog about her.

Although I can't really remember things from back then but the feeling is still there. I have cried a few times while writing this blog. 

Thank you Miss J for staying with me that day. Thank you Miss S for trying to help my stay in the uni and still check on me eventhough I have dropped out (lol) and thank you Miss K who I also have talked with before and make me realized that in the world full of choices don't forget to pick 'myself' as one of the answers.

And thanks you guys for reading. Next time I will post something more delightful, I promise :)