Week One of Journaling

TW: mentions of depression, anxiety, a complicated relationship with food, a j*b

Date: 11/17-23/25

Hello everyone!

My name is Maia (or littleflame), and this is going to be my first blog entry ! 

So for a little background, I'm trying to get back into writing while also trying to take care of my mental health. But because I've been dealing with a lot of writer's block during these last couple of years due to severe depression, my therapist wants me to start journaling every Saturday (yes, I'm aware it's Monday now, but I was super busy this weekend and haven't had any time-) ! So this is basically going to be a place where I talk about my week and feelings ! So, uh, how about we get into it ?

Monday (11/17/25):

Oof, okay, let's see here. I'm going to be honest here; I do not really remember much from this day. I'm pretty sure I did go to work that morning and got back home around 8-ish in the morning (I work the night shift at a bakery as a baker). I had a therapy appointment at 1pm, which is actually when my therapist said he wanted me to start journaling/writing about my week. After that appointment I think I slept for a couple of hours. I want to mention that I have been feeling a little off, and I wasn't sure if it was my anxiety or if I was actually sick with something. I leave to go to work around 1:30-1:40 am so I can get to my 2 am shift, but when my mom came in to see if I was awake, I remember having a short little breakdown. I confessed that I was severely depressed due to the weather, and the hours of my job, since the days are shorter I'm not getting/seeing a lot of sunlight, and that's been really messing me up. So my mom helped me text my boss about how I am still sick and that I wouldn't be going in. Then, since my mom AND dad have both been feeling depressed, we promised that we would help each other out of this hole. 

Tuesday (11/18/25):

I was feeling a bit better this day, but I was still feeling pretty down. I did get up out of bed, and I did get dressed, which was something that I've been having a hard time with. I even got some cute photos of my dogs ^^ I ended up having a movie night with my parents ! We watched the full movie of "Knives Out," which I absolutely loved ! Just my type of movie; I love mystery and comedy. Then we got about halfway through the movie "Murder on the Orient Express," which is like "Knives Out" in a different font lol. I was having a bit of a hard time eating anything, and I don't even remember what I ate that day. Probably not much—nothing at all since eating anything would've upset my stomach and made me sick. 

Wednesday (11/19/25):

I went to an urgent care this day to get some tests done to see what was going on with my stomach. So I did get dressed to go out, and I was feeling super sluggish this day as well. While we were at the doctor's, I was texting my best friend, who was encouraging me to send a message to a guy that I found cute on Instagram who went to school with me to text him and tell him that he's cute and that I would've liked to get to know him. That gave me a little bit of anxiety since I don't really tell people that I'm interested in that I'm, you know, interested in them lol. Anyways, the last two episodes of Hazbin Hotel also came out, and I was watching edits of it on TikTok before I got called back. I had to take two tests; one of them I would rather not talk about—but the other one, I had to breathe into a bag and then drink this nasty, and I mean nasty, liquid and then had to wait 15 minutes to breathe into another bag. I was feeling kind of gross after that, mostly due to the liquid I had to drink. But I ended up sending that message to the boy on Instagram, AND my mom took me to Popeyes for dinner so I could try the FNaF meal. That was my first time trying Popeyes, btw; it was amazing. I did get sick, though. :( The boy ended up being interested in someone else (which I kind of expected), but we both agreed to just be friends ! I also sent my boss pictures of the tests and told him that it would take 3-5 days to get the results back and that whatever I have could be contagious. So I basically called out of work for the rest of the week.

Thursday (11/20/25):

I do not actually remember what happened during the morning and afternoon of this day, like at all for some reason. All I remember is watching the last two episodes of Hazbin Hotel with my parents and hanging out with my mom in the living room when my dad went to bed. I don't know why I have no memory of what happened this day-

Friday (11/21/25):

My mind was a little everywhere on Friday; I just kind of remember waking up and just existing lol. I didn't do much during the day; I hung out with my mom while my dad was at work, and I found out my best friend was coming home from college for her fall break ! Although she's only an hour away, I just feel so much better now that she's actually walking distance from my house again. Honestly, it feels like order had been restored LOL. I also got my test results back from the urgent care, and they both came back negative ! Which in theory is good, but that just means we still don't know what is making me sick. At this point, I've only been able to eat those Red Lobster biscuits without getting sick, which is progress ! During the evening, my mother wanted me to start watching a show called "The Good Place" with her, and we ended up basically finishing the whole first season. It is SUCH a good show. Omg, I absolutely love the writing and characters.

Saturday (11/22/25):

Saturday was much busier. I had tickets to go to a documentary called "The Librarians" with my parents. And we even got to talk to the directors who made the documentary ! So yes, I did get dressed, did my hair, brushed my teeth, AND I did my makeup ! I felt very energized when we got to the theater. But on the drive there I did almost get car sick, which was totally my fault; I can't read/be on my phone when riding in the backseat. For my snack during the documentary I took a little risk and had a pretzel with cheese with a Sprite, and I was perfectly fine ! Which was so exciting. :) After the documentary, we went into one of the stores that was next door, which was a nerd's heaven, btw. I absolutely loved it in there omg. We weren't there for long, and I still think about it LOL. After we left that store we went to the book store that was across the one we were just in, and holy moly that was the biggest book store I have ever been in, it was so beautiful and calming, like I remember saying to my mom "where was this place when I was still in school. Studying would've gone so hard." We were in there for probably about an hour before we left, and on the way home I was able to play music, which definitely helped with my car sickness. Before we got home, we stopped at Culver's for some dinner, which was so yummy. I got a chicken sandwich with some fries and a chocolate shake, and I ate the whole lot without getting sick ! I'm making so much progress with food. :) We went home after that, and I slept really well. I got out of the house, got dressed, did my makeup, and was able to eat food without getting sick ! Definitely a win in my book.

Sunday (11/23/25):

Probably the most boring day. I slept in until 12:30 pm, and when my parents went to Costco to start buying things for Thanksgiving, I went downstairs to hang out with my dogs and keep them company. I had a hotdog to eat, which didn't make me sick. And when my parents got home and put all the food away, we started to finish our homemade horchata, which was absolutely delicious. By the time it hit 6 pm, my parents were downstairs with me and the dogs, and we were watching more of "The Good Place." We finished another season of it ! For dinner I had mac & cheese, and it didn't make me sick. And now I'm in bed, writing this at 2:50 am.

Conclusion:

Very confusing week. I'm definitely feeling better compared to the beginning of the week. But it's still really hard to just function as a person. I didn't really mention this, but I'm sending my boss a message that I will be leaving the bakery, mostly because my boss doesn't deserve someone who is sick all the time and not sure what is causing it, but also because I need to take care of myself first during this hard time of really bad seasonal depression, but I won't be telling him that second reason. I'm still not sure what I'm sick with, and now that I'm able to eat any kind of food again without getting sick, I'm really starting to think it was actually my anxiety the entire time, but just to be safe, I will be getting some more testing done just to make sure there really isn't anything super serious that is harming me. Overall probably a 6-7/10 week.

Thank you so much for reading this; I hope you all have an amazing day/night. I love you all, and please make sure to take care of yourselves <3. See you all next week !

-littleflame, signing off <3