How To Pull Women When They Think You're Weird and Gay

In case you weren't born with a wonderful handlebar mustache and a smooth baritone voice, there is still hope. You too can have a girlfriend who isn't being paid by a 3rd party. (Yes, Susan, I know you're being paid by Nintendo.)

You can try...

1. Not being gay
2. Not saying you like men
3. Listening to Nickelback daily
4. Not reading books
5. Not referring to yourself as a "pwetty pwetty pwincess"
6. Driving an Amurica truck
7. Eating at White Castle for all 5 meals
8. Not telling your potential female friends that you maybe did have a relationship with a man and enjoyed it and maybe might try it again and might start dyeing your hair green and listening to Pansy Division and having a Homo Christmas every year on December 26th and referring to yourself as her "zesty bestie" and watching RuPaul's Drag Show daily whenever she stops calling you
9. Not being weird