⋆.𐙚 ̊₊˚⊹ᰔ˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀────୨ৎ────˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀₊˚⊹ᰔ⋆.𐙚 ̊

I don't think this is a hot take, but still, don't come after me for it. This is coming from someone that has been through an extremely abusive relationship.(TW for mentions of SA)

Why am I seeing young girls and women nowadays, even older women too, romanticizing being abused and controlled within a romantic and s3xual relationship?(can I say s3xual on here? idk.)

I've seen it a LOT on platforms like TikTok, where these teenage girls and young women are reading books and watching TV shows where the female lead will have a lover that is extremely controlling and abusive towards them. And then, these women and girls are going on TikTok and saying that they "Want a man to control them and do whatever he wants with them"....

NEWSFLASH

NO

YOU

DONT

I cannot say this enough but trauma of any kind is not to be sexualized or romanticized. I was in an abusive and controlling relationship for 3 years, and the only reason why I stayed so long was because they would constantly threaten to commit if I left them. 

I try not to be a negative person, but it irks me to no end when I hear someone say "I want a controlling partner so bad- its so hot!" but what they don't think about is what are they gonna do when that actually happens? What is gonna happen when you have a different opinion or want from your "controlling" partner?

I'll tell you what's gonna happen! THEY ARE GOING TO DO WHAT THEY WANT ANYWAYS

They don't care if your mom is sick and you need to go see her, you need to stay at home with them! and if you try to leave, they will manipulate you into staying home with any tactic they can think of. Your bestfriend is coming into town and you wanna go see them? Too bad, Your partner needs you more! You'll be getting ready to leave and they'll pull some shit like crying or whining and saying "I'm so scared you're gonna cheat on me!! Please don't go!!" And I don't care what you think you would do or what you're gonna say you would do. I know for a fact that if you had some pitiful human being manipulating you and crying at your feet, begging you not to go because they're scared- or better yet, if they're like my ex then they'll just be threatening you with committing- you would stay home for them.

Controlling people like that will stop at nothing to isolate you from society and the people that you love. They take over your life and don't care what you want. If they want something from you, in their minds, you WILL give it to them no matter what you want or what your boundaries are. Speaking of boundaries- don't bother setting any with them because they do not care! If they want $3x and you don't, too bad, they're gonna force you into it no matter how much you fight back. They don't care about your wellbeing, your feelings, your boundaries, or your life before them. To them, your life before dating them does not exist anymore. Now that you're together, your life revolves around your partner in the worst way possible.

Sorry this entire blog has been me bitching, and I'm sorry if its emotional or poorly written, I'm an emotional person and I'm passionate about this subject. I've lived through things that should never have happened, but they did because of a partner that was obsessed with the idea of me. And when I didn't always fit that idea, they would take it out on me. I'm still working through the trauma and issues that I got from that relationship and I hope all of the people out there that have gone through something similar can also heal.

 As a kind of conclusion for this long post, I'd like to ask that we stop romanticizing stuff like this. Most of the time when it is, it's not done maliciously and instead is something that people have learned to do from media romanticizing it. This is similarly done with many, many other things such as body mutilation and even murder.(I'm looking at you hybristophiliacs) I don't particularly know as a modern society when we began to re-idolize the idea of being controlled within a relationship, but it needs to be avoided at all costs. This next comment is geared specifically towards women, but stuff like this can happen to anyone of any gender. But, women have worked so hard to become independent of men and stop the cycle of men controlling women, but it seems like we're going right back to it. This is something we need to work on as a society and maybe its a little cheugy for me to write basically an entire essay blog about this, but it's a topic I'm passionate about and interested in because I've lived through it.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚Have a great day, loves, and happy blogging ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

~Cherry