I hate being reminded on how I used to body shame people

This sounds stupid, why am I acting sad when I was the one who made the mistakes. I admit it before I was insecure about my own body I made fun of others body’s. I feel so stupid and like such a bully, it was before I gained weight and I was about 36kg. I felt really confident in myself and I was “popular”. I wasn’t actually, a lot of people knew who I was because I was really extroverted a few years ago. I would simply call people “too fat” or “too skinny” I didn’t really get any like bad consequences from it since I had quite a lot of friends. 2 years ago I lost many of my friends, people hated me and I honestly hated myself aswell. I was planning to commit but luckily stopped myself, that’s when I got self  conscious on how much I weighed or just how much I looked. I felt bad for every single person I insulted. I kept on getting mean comments on how I looked, I still do get mean comments like that sometimes but I’ve learned too deal with it, all I can think about is how badly I would want to just turn back time and not say those awful words to people, I’ve learned aswell about eating disorders and many new things. I hope in the future that my past actions like the bullying are going to be forgotten and I hope that no one else has to go through the pain I put others in.

This isn’t an excuse for me bullying, this is an explanation on how it affects my life now. Please be kind and yes saying backhanded insults is also a terrible thing to do.