A void so aching that it's threatening to rot my skin

I'm a human and I guess that's why I'm complex I have depression and it's certainly not that good .I figured out that depression in fact affects the complete working of your brain hence im unable to remember things here and there.my memories are foggy and i detest it .I wrote when I was 11 

"Forever can only exist in memories and that's why my greatest fear is to lose the ability to remember it" the exact same thing is happening.it would be indeed nice if I could find someone who could grasp the meaning  of my words.I crave a connection, for why I seek to find atleast a person to be a friend.isolation is not good .suicidal thoughts are not good. hurting yourself is not good .

When I grow up I wonder if these feeling would sink into a corner or would they consume me ? Who knows .infact would I be able to live without this sadness consuming me ? It is not only sadness it's a mixture it got hatred in it ,surpressed anger ,anxiety ,madness . Who am I without these?

Ar certain days I feel the hatred. Towards everyone living .sometimes it's anger .sometimes it is grief .what should I do amidst all this ? Die?

I don't even like God .I feel hatred for him I feel scared of him .if I could shrink in the roots of a tree I would , unfortunately I can't .