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So.
Racism and white fragility.
I always feel like i shouldn't speak on this bc i'm whiter than flour. My opinion on this shouldn't matter bc i'm part of the systematic issue.
I'm not a racist. Intentionally at least. I don't feel that I hold any bias against other people based on their skin color. Yet i feel terrible. I feel scared and worried regarding racism. Especially my own. The one i was born into and the one i am upholding just by being me.
I think this is the best place to be. It's awful and it gives me crazy anxiety because I don't ever want to hurt anyone. Some of my closest friends are people of color, and I am scared that they are exclude me because they find me racist.
The worst about this it that sure, I feel bad about this. I feel bad about my inherent privilege in life. I feel bad about the systematic racism around me, but thats nothing to what people of color feels, right?
I can feel as bad as I want about this but it will never ever be equal to centuries of being slaves, and abused, and murdered, and raped, and excluded from society. It will never be the same as seeing people getting killed on the news by police officers, and it will never be the same as being marginalized for the color of your skin.
I don't live in america. I live in a country that's considered "good". And I don't see the systematic racism in the same way. I don't notice it because the only bigotry shown on the TV are police officers choking black people out.
But it's here. Oh god it's here too. And I want to help. I don't know how and it makes me feel helpless, so i sit with my anxiety not knowing what to do. And I dont talk about it to my friends of color, because its not their burden to carry. It's my problem, and mine only.
I don't want to ask people of color how to help because they are under no obligation to explain that to me. They are under no obligation to give me free labour to educate me.
I'm a student, so I dont have a lot of money but I'm looking for good places to donate. There are millions of places to donate that are american, but I want to find one in europe.
All of this gives me a tummy ache, and this is the only social media where I dont have my friends, so I'll write it all here to process my thoughts. Maybe someone else reads this who feel the same. Maybe someone else reads this and have input. I'd love to talk about it.
xoxo toto
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NCNH
Racism is institutional and a part of the foundations of everyday society.
The things that matter; The action. The praxis. Rather than sweet words that achieve little.
Action to dismantle racism is difficult. It is intentionally designed to be difficult. An institution which crushes people under its foundations and remains standing has ways and means to prevent those foundations being uprooted. Doubling down in the places where action and time could have transitioned to alternatives foundations.
Also the fear. The fear of doing and saying the wrong things as an interpretation of personal failure. Rather than being able to see things objectively about getting needs met. This hypervigilance on the minor of minor things serves as a delaying tactic on direct action on the important things.
For this is part of what it means to say that racism is institutional.
So yes, amplify the message of the marginalised.
But also provide platform to those fighting the good fight to describe problems and express emotion.
Do what you can to practically help knowing full well that you WILL be added to a government watchlist. Be it getting books printed and bound and sold to fund black communities or providing consistent free labor at a black community garden.
When you can, offer what you are able to reliably assist with. And listen.
This is praxis.
I like your comment. It brings rationality to my mess of emotions. Thank you.
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