about me / to my old friends

i dont understand
i know,
i am crule, 
i hurt people 
and i dont feel bad about it 
i get bored of the people i love 
and then i get angry 
but dispite, 
i dont think of myself as a bad person 
i know 
i can be kind 
and i am often, 
i think, 
and i dont do it to get something out of it 
i understand,
you wish the guilt of what i did eats me alive 
i dont feel guilty 
its not that i dont understand that my actions are wrong 

i dont know if this is an apology 

it dosent explain anything