always the artist never the consumer (abt me)

I am a jewelry, clothing and accessory artist/designer/producer, and oh my belphegor do I love what I do. Do I love the scabs from sewing needles and the sloppily, roughly sewn on buttons on the rims of my sleeves and the bracelets made from junk I've found around the house on my head. And oh, do I love being able to earn money on it. It's taken me practically my whole life to be where I am now; get around 5 orders a week, and always have to go to a parcel locker after class, because there just isn't a day where something sells. I also really love the spare money it gives me! When I need something limited quickly, I can just borrow money from my work account, and get it back in 2 months!

But, sometimes I look at how I live and I wonder, how would it be to be the buyer? I'm the one who falls asleep holding my graphic tablet pencil, wrapped in scrap materials, with beads and scrap metal scattered all around my desk. How is it like to...have a moderately clean room, not carry your phone around to record the craft, your free time, not tripping on everything and wearing the same clothes for the whole week, because you're just too busy?

I like to sit and think "do I like this?"

And the answer is always yes.

Who would I be with my room clean? What would my art be if not random shit found around the room, thrift store, house...What would my art be without my broken sewing machine causing fires every time I try to use it, making all pieces rough and ragged around and slightly torn? Who would I be, without a button falling out of my hair every time I step off of the bus, or my converses leaving glitter trails on the pavement? Definitely not me. And me is cool.