Report Blog Entry
ughhhhh so i have a crush on this girl but the problem is that im afab and my family is hella homophobic :( now, i've already moved out of my parent's house so that's not really that much of an issue, and i really dont give af about what my parents think of me. but i do care about my siblings. my brother and sister have been my only friends for my whole life and they mean the world to me. but since our parents raised us all with the same homophobic christian bullshit, thats all they know. thats literally the only opinion they've ever heard.
I was talking to them over the phone yesterday and they were teasing me about looking gay, which i denied ofc, but i kinda played it off and was like 'oh, you're gay actually' and my brother got mad and said that he 'hates gay people and if he was gay he'd sh00t himself, and if someone he knew came out he'd not associate with them anymore/and or beat them up' my sister just said that she thinks its weird, i do have hope for her. but still.
its just... they're my family but these two have always been more than that. we've had the closest relationship, shared all our secrets, stuck with each other through the most traumatic shit ever, and stayed alive for each other
but I could lose all that... just for liking a girl. for questioning my gender identity. and it hurts sm because im just bi. I could be with a man. I could preserve our relationship and still date someone im attracted to. but I don't like a guy right now. I like a girl. I love a girl. but what relationship do I choose.
It just hurts, you know? when the people you love the most will only accept you as a joke. they call me by a masculine name because of an inside joke, but it'll only ever be a joke. they talk about me having a girlfriend but it will always only be a joke...
oh well. maybe she doesn't like me back anyway.
Comments
Displaying 1 of 1 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
nick_0tine
It does hurt. And you’re not dramatic, confused, or overthinking it.. you’re dealing with something real, something that hits right at the point where identity meets love and family. That’s not small. It’s the kind of thing that can shake your whole sense of safety.
Let me say this clearly first. You’re not wrong for having feelings. You’re not wrong for being bi. You’re not wrong for liking a girl. What’s wrong is that the people who should love you unconditionally were taught to fear something harmless and natural.
But you didn’t cause that, and you don’t deserve to carry the weight of their indoctrination.
You’re stuck in a really painful crossroads, it’s not because you’re choosing between “your family” and “a girl.”
It’s because you’re choosing between your siblings as they are right now, shaped by hate they didn’t create, your full self, who deserves to be loved and safe without living a lie.
It’s not fair that you have to make this choice at all.
And the fact that you even care this deeply already shows how loyal and compassionate you are. Most people wouldn’t agonize like this! you are doing it because your siblings are your heart. Loyalty doesn’t mean you owe them your silence about your identity forever.
The thing about people is this.They grow.They change. They learn. They can unlearn the stuff they were taught. Right now, your brother is repeating your parents’ voice, not his own. Your sister sounds reachable, like someone who just hasn’t been shown another way to think yet.
And you?
You’re living proof that the way you were raised isn’t the only way to be.
You are already the beginning of change. Here’s the most important part . You don’t have to come out just because you like someone right now. You don’t have to tell them anything until you feel emotionally safe.
You might lose the relationship for a while if you come out now. That doesn’t mean it’s gone forever. Huge sibling bonds, the kind built on trauma, secrets, and survival.. don’t disappear easily, and about the girl… It’s okay to want her. It’s okay to like her. It’s okay to feel something warm and real and exciting. You do not have to give her up to keep the peace. Let me tell you something honestly...You’re not alone in this, and you’re not wrong for feeling torn.. Stay safe friend