I Gyatta Be Masking (Musical Theatre)

So I recently was diagnosed with autism, making me have that "audhd" combo, and today in class (musical theatre), I considered how in smaller rehearsals I tend to be extremely quiet. Like I'll say a one off comment to be funny and it seems overlooked or maybe just misunderstood- and makes me feel real awkward. Nothing bad about that, I'm just an awkward person!

However, this brings me into the next point of how I'm pretty sure being quiet is a form of masking to hide all the "off-ness"(?) idk what to call it that I would have if I did choose to speak. And I actively thought of that as the time went on. I was more focused on how the conventions of a rehearsal worked rather than how the actual acting worked. 

I don't have the MOST experience in this type of situation, so that can also contribute to it. I am graduating this year, and have had like four years of theatre experience so far.

More off topic, today I am not good with smaller rehearsals (people wise) because I fail to come up with ideas! I am more of a "just tell me what to do and I'll do it" person. I struggle to come up with stuff on the fly when asked, "what do you think?", and just totally blank out. This happens several times, I feel like a blank canvas in that way, someone else has to paint the colours on me.

But I love working with everyone, and I don't blame myself for anything or anyone else. It is simply just an observation, and I found it interesting!

Ciao,

Mayday