im a lot more awkward than i thought i was

i haven't used this website since my birthday lolol i think i'll start using it again just to ramble. i'd rather talk to the void on here than on twitter.

anyways. recently i realized i'm awkward. like.. i knew i sorta kinda was but not enough to where it made interacting with people hard. like i can go out in public and converse with strangers with zero issue. i was really chatty and friendly with customers when i worked my first job this autumn at spirit halloween. but for some reason when i started college i became really awkward ???
i wasn't like this during my senior year of high school i think i was pretty out there so idk why i've had this sudden switch. :-(

last friday my professor told us to get into groups of four and talk about what we wrote for our homework we were given on wednesday ( i go to a community college and only have class for an hour on monday, tuesday and friday ). when she said this i kinda stood around awkwardly cause i didn't have any friends in this class cause ngl i didn't really want any friends. the class is only two months long and i hated having to go in person so i wanted to be in and out with as little interaction as possible. this backfired in my face cause my professor has us working together almost every class #heartbreaking. (¬⤙¬ )

okay anyways. i sat down with this random group of three guys cause they didn't have a fourth person yet. i thought the entire time i would be on my phone while they talked cause they were all sort of friends. but one of the dudes turned to me and sparked up a conversation. 

idk if it was cause i was caught off guard or because he was really attractive but i was SO awkward our whole conversation. i feel like it was bordering on anxiety cause i was shaking and my voice was quivering as if i was about to cry but i wasn't ??????? i have no idea why i was acting the way i was cause i've never had any issue talking to people before......

i do hope me and this guy can be friends though cause he was really nice and funny... and like lowkey exactly my type.. ( ദ്ദി ˙ᗜ˙ )

IDK IDK i just wanted to complain on here this is so poorly typed i'm so tired it's 1:52am sorry bye ´ཀ`