I Hate Being the Youngest

Now it wouldn’t be an issue if there wasn’t that much difference in time but…

I hate that I’m the youngest sibling. All of my siblings are way older than me. I’ve got four & the second youngest is nine years older than me. I also consider myself an only child at times due to them being much older & none of them having both my mother & father. They got to actually experience the two decades that I look at as my favourites while I was born late in the 2000s & I wasn’t even a teenager in the 2010s.

They got to actually have that feeling of being close with each other while that’s just not much of a thing for me. That age gap really makes me not relate & talk with them as much & also, I lived with my brother for only four or five years & I pretty much grew up with my sister (the second youngest) but due to her being way older, she’d always do her own thing or be out of the house.

I remember wanting to play board games with someone but it would’ve been pretty boring with only one other person & of course she didn’t want to do it at the time. I would say that I’m pretty jealous (I don’t know what other word to use but I don’t want to use jealous) of the fact that my parents met sometime from 2003-2005 & had me much later.

I know my sister (again the second youngest) had a much more fun time in high school than I am right now & I remember her taking me to the band room & to be with her friends. I think it sucks that I’ll never have anyone to do that with. I also think all of this is just a part of the reason I’m not as social with people especially since they’re all very social. In fact, everyone in my family is except for me.

In my life, I always felt like I wasn’t as ready or that I was so unprepared compared to them. All of them were able to drive by the time they got to my age while I not only don’t have a car but I also don’t have a license & would have to do the whole drivers training experience again. They’ve been pretty set on what they want their future to be & don’t get me wrong, I’m the most ambitious out of them all as in the amount of things I want to do in my life but right now, I have no idea what job I’d want.

I also feel old because two of my siblings have children & I’ve been an uncle since sometime around 2012-2015. Whenever I go to my brother’s house, it’s sort of a reminder that the kids have a much happier life at the moment while I feel a depressed old man who has a lot of trauma, a lot of friendships broken, & a lot of regretful sexual experiences. Don’t get me wrong, I of course don’t want them to experience this but I sometimes get scared that maybe their life will be somewhat like mine. 

But overall, why do I have to be so young & yet feel old as hell?