gambling with life by going on a stupid long tour

last month i went on a short 5 show tour, and it was a lot of fun! i got to play with my uncle and good friend. many people showed up, and i sold out all of my merchandise. sure, my anxiety was killing me, but the people that said they loved the set made it worth it. 

a lot has happened in the last few months that has flipped my world totally upside down. one moment i am a man with a career, a spouse, an apartment and the most amazing cats. now, i'm divorced, unhoused, unemployed, and a blank slate of a life with no real trajectory at the moment. 

i ran off to idaho with a lack of direction, went to a wedding in los angeles, now i'm in the airport making plans for a tour that is probably one of the worst decisions i could make lol. it keeps replaying in my head though; if i have lost everything, what do i have to lose? if i have no one at home waiting for me, why does it matter if i'm gone forever? 

so, i'm going on tour with my friends in another band around the west coast this spring. not totally set in stone yet, but i've booked nearly a third of it already, and we just decided to do this days ago. it does kinda make sense because i'm releasing my self-titled debut album in february, so i want to use the tour to promote the new chunes. 

i hope that the travels somehow help me heal from all of this. her infidelity, being left with a mess to clean up, and now just, my mind and the torment? i hope that there comes some night where in like, tuscon i'm staring up into the night sky, stars more visible than the governments corruption, and i see some divine revelation from God that says that i'm not unlovable, that the next person won't cheat on me. idk. my cousin said something that has resonated with me. that, if i want to love again, i have to be willing to be hurt like that again. 

pffffffft whaaaat. he's right. but, man. 

anyway, imma announce it formally in march. but, it's happening :p 

we're hopefully going to vancouver bc, bellingham, seattle, portland, corvallis, sacramento, santa cruz, los angeles, san diego, tuscon, tuscon, phoenix, roswell, albuquerque, denver, salt lake city, boise, spokane, and seattle 

long tour, but hopefully it's enough to purge the bleh in me. all the bleh.