TW : MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, MENTAL ILLNESS AND SH

Hi guys. I'm back to doing these, I'm surprised I actually remembered to do one of these again. It's just that my mental health hasn't been the greatest lately and I need somewhere to vent (maybe I should get a diary or something...)

Well... Ever since school started, my mental health as gone bad again (like I expected...) and everything has becoming worse over time.

But hey, I was finally able to atleast become a little more friends with the people on my class (like that's going to do resolve my depression and social anxiety or smth).

These couple of months have been the worse though, I've been wanting to self harm or even end it more often than the other months. It's like 5th grade is coming back oh god.

The pressure I have on me is insane, I have atleast 2 tests every week and it's not helping with my brain very much, and I want to excel in every single one of them but I can't, I can't fucking focus for on second. It hurt's god it hurts so much.

And yesterday I left my online friends (if you didn't see my bulletin or just can't see it: I left my online friends who I felt like as a floater... If not just another random person they happen to know). And now I have nobody to talk to, nobody to show my art to, nobody to laugh atleast once every few months.

And that whole thing isn't helping too.

I think I will write a letter about my emotions, my fears, how I've been wanting to die since I was 10 yrs old (I'm currently 14 for reference). And just... Idk show it to someone I think would care enough to help me, even if it means sending me to a mental hospital or whatever the fuck it's called.

I'm just tired of everything okay.