14

I was so scared of you leaving me so I let you touch me

You were my first time and I thought i was your first too but you lied to me

Maybe you would've loved me more if I pretended to enjoy it. But in reality I was terrified. Every touch felt like fire on my skin and I felt hellfire crawling up in my legs.

This wasn't what I wanted, but I thought you loved me so i let it happen 

I just wanted to be cared about, I just wanted you to see me, love me, protect me like you said you would

You never protected me, and what hurt most was when I found out you were with someone else from the start. My world crumbled that day, I thought you were the one I was meant to be with. First times are ritualistic, important, it was something I wanted to give to my husband, my soulmate

You took it away from me

I will never forgive you

I felt terrified every time I stared at my body at night. Ran away from people when I thought they would touch me like you did. And in my nightmares, i felt your hands roam around my body

I let it happen. Every moan coming out of my mouth was a desperate attempt to make you stay. I knew it wouldn't ever make you see me any different, or lovable

You were all I wanted, you left me once you used me, once you got what you wanted I was nothing more than an obsessive ex girlfriend that you would shit talk to your friends for attention 

Every single second of my life in that high-school was hell, seeing your face made my stomach turn, every time I avoided you I felt your eyes at the back of my head.

Rightfully so i will never get over it, what you've done to me, what this impurity means to me, every time I want to be with someone I feel you staring down at me, shaming me

And you still have the audacity to talk to me, to look at my face, to have boyfriends to fuck with, I hope you feel the same fear I felt when you touched me

The moment I met you I felt like a piece of meat, another meal of the day, a prey, an ego boost for a control freak like you

I felt like an object everytime you insulted me, put me down, embarrassed me, 

You abused me like an animal

I fucking hate you