Hand pain

I’ve been crocheting a lot as I have a sweater due Monday for school and I really wanna finish. But my hand popped today so bad. However as much as I hate the pain I lowkey kind of like it 

It’s bad and I really need to start working out my hands again. And it usually makes me super upset and mad when my hands don’t work. Sometimes I get so angry when my hands shake and I can’t stabilize them, or I can’t sew or thread without constantly poking myself and using my finger to guide the needle, sometimes my hands just don’t work and I fling pencils which is embarrassing because it looks like I just tossed it. Or when my hands feel tired and won’t stop twitching or shaking it makes me so upset 

However right now I like it, I like watching them shake, twitch and feel weak, I like the pain and the inability to keep going

I don’t know if it’s cuz I’ve been really depressed lately or what, but I just kinda enjoy it,  maybe it’s because the pain isn’t that bad, like a 3 on a scale of 1-10, 5 1 being annoying and 10 needing to be sedated, 5 needing pain killers. Sometimes I do get pain that’s a 5-6 sometimes I can’t hold my phone up or typing without shaking. 

Usually it all makes me upset but I can’t help but like it right now and I don’t know why

I have no clue why I enjoy it right now, I feel a little disgusted that I do 

Anyways, I wish I had regular hands