The Art of Profanity

(I understand that the definitions are all different for the words, “cussing,” “swearing,” and “cursing.” However, I will be using them interchangeably as they are being used to describe the use of profanity in modern times, which is how they have been used around me)

One of my main stims is cussing. It makes me sound like a kid who just learned to swear and thinks they sound cool, but I don't really care. There’s something so satisfying about the word “fuck” settling in my mouth. A crisp punch. 

I can’t help but have all of my vocal stims meld together sometimes.

You know that old vine of the kid who hurts his elbow or something then yells, “Mother trucker, dude. That hurt like a butt cheek on a stick.” That became a vocal stim pretty quickly and now I randomly use it when I swear. 

“[Insert profanity] on a stick”

It makes me laugh out loud, the things I come up with. “Shit on a stick.” “Balls on a stick.” Nobody ever gets it, but it's not for them. It’s for me, goddamn it!

Then there' s the ol’ spam swearin’. “Shit, fuck, ass, shit, damnit, fuck.” Then take a deep breath and move on.

But I like to be as creative as I can when old phrases just don't hit right. Like, “for the love of god!” or “What on god’s green earth??”

Boring as dog water.

Gotta add some shit. Literally. “For the love of shit.” And I have to really emphasize “shit.” Sometimes I don’t cuss at all for this one, because “for the love of [insert something you love]” sounds good too! “For the love of tacos.” 

(Because what does this phrase actually mean? Are we talking about god’s love for us or our love for him?? Cause neither of those make much sense to me).

And “What on god's green earth?” is just downright dishonest. So I go with, “What on god’s polluted earth?” It doesn't need too much added. 

Then there’s “I don’t give a fuck/shit/rat’s ass.” Gets the message across, sure. But it has no umph, no pizzazz. So I get creative. “I don’t give a dancing prancing shit.” Now we got action. “I don’t give a llama’s left nut.” A little specific, but gets people wondering…do llamas have a left nut? Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I don’t give one! 

I don’t usually use profanity against people, though. It's not honest. People are too complex for any situation to be dumbed down to “what a piece of shit, fucking...blah blah blah.” I use swearing to stim and make myself laugh.

Let me know fun ways ya'll swear!

[Also, I didn't know what category to assign this to]