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Originally this was just going to be a bulletin, but as often happens, I have decided to make it into a blog as well.
This blog is also kind of emotionally intense at times and some of the stuff I discuss here is basically dredging up old trauma for me. Still, I really wanted to make this blog.
I have some personal insights into TERFs, some of which probably won't surprise a lot of people, but some of which may be somewhat interesting to other kinds of people. Obviously, a lot of trans women in general have insights into TERFs, being that its not uncommon that we have to deal with harassment from them. That isn't really why or where I get a lot of my personal insights from though...
I get most of my insights from having been unusually close to a couple of them..... Even romantically involved with one......... Most people are rightly some mixture of concerned, amused, and confused whenever they hear this from me, but yeah, I had a strange enemies-to-lovers dynamic with a—well, okay, "TERF" may not be the right word for this person, but they were for sure a Radical Feminist that had some pretty deep internalized transphobia. They voiced criticisms of a lot of the most incessantly "trans-exclusionary" forms of radical feminism, but they were far from losing the damaging overtures that pretty much all "Radical Feminism" has.
We'd met in some Leftist circles whenever I was younger. I was still identifying as non-binary at that time... I think I was very much in some amount of denial about how much I craved femininity for myself at the time. They would never get to see me transition into a trans woman though. I sometimes wonder how they would react now, but they're basically a ghost to me.
We were immediately mildly combative with each other whenever we first met, most of that not really being because of my being trans, but because of some differences in opinion on other topics. Nonetheless, we also agreed with each other on a plethora of other subjects and had a lot of appreciation for the other's intelligence. At this time, I knew they were a RadFem, but they told me that they were not anti-trans. I kinda just went with this, despite being decidedly suspicious at the time.
We started talking privately and we became pretty infatuated with each other. Still, things rather unsurprisingly got pretty toxic too, since I came to learn that they definitely were not as trans friendly as they let on. Moreover, I found out that they followed a ton of very definitely TERF accounts on social media and were friends with some of them. If you couldn't guess, this made me super uncomfortable and upset. I won't rehash much more of this story, but ultimately the fact that they had a friendly-sisterly relationship with a bunch of people who dehumanized me, saw me as a monster, and harassed my community, ended up causing a ton of issues between us. Who would've thought.
Anyways... I got a lot of personal insight into TERFs as a result of this whole experience. A lot of people will rightly point out that many TERFs and RadFems have their worldviews colored by personal trauma, and I can confirm this is true. Many have been victims, even if they go onto victimize others. I don't really find this surprising though, nor do I think it's actually wrong in of itself per se. It's the fact that they victimize others and create a warped, toxic ideology that is the issue at the heart here, not that they have in many instances been victimized and that this experience provides a framework. My past pains provide a framework for me too, I just try not to let it lead me anywhere like the places TERFs let it lead them.
More importantly, we had some in-depth discussions about dysphoria and related discussions at one point. This is how I learned perhaps my greatest insight; a lot of TERFs are definitely repressed trans men. They disclosed to me that they basically had dysphoria... I tried to push on this, to point out what this meant, but they completely shut me down. It was clearly very painful for them. Another RadFem I once met, but which I wasn't nearly as close to, once disclosed something similar to me. And I've also known a trans man who was a TERF prior to transitioning.
I'm sure a lot of TERFs are not repressed transmascs. Plenty are just (usually white) cis women who want to reinforce their own privilege within the institutions that be, whilst apparently "resisting" Patriarchy and Gender. Still, there is another portion that are repressed trans men. This personal insight actually upsets me a lot.... A part of me rightly hates TERFs, on the one hand, for what they've done to me, to my trans siblings, but on the other hand, this fact gives me a lot of sympathy for their suffering.
So yeah, I suppose that's my personal insight.... Well, I'm also pretty certain a number of TERFs are attracted to trans people, but that's not exactly unexpected since a lot of transphobes are (See my older blogs on trans sexuality for more on this incredibly interesting topic! I put a lot of research into those).
There is a lot about the situation I delineated above that is frankly pretty funny. I had an unironic Romeo and Juliet style Enemies-to-Lovers dynamic with a RadFem. I implore people to make fun of me for this, because on one level it definitely is funny. Still though, I also think maybe it was good to write this stuff down and help me process it. And I hope my insights are interesting or valuable to people. I've put in some very-not-worth-it-and-also-very-accidental effort into investigative journalism into the psychology of TERFs.
Comments
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Dreamarachnid
Very interesting that you say a lot of TERFs are repressed trans men! Thanks for the fascinating insight. I don't know that I would have considered this on my own— but it makes sense! Many people hate what they fear they don't have the strength to become.
The coolest Rat
when i was much younger i actually had about a 2 mouth period where i would talk and try to be like terfs and suprise suprise i was in fact repressing my feeling (bc i live in a Muslim country in a transphobic family so that was 11 year olds me coping mechanism)
Makes sense, I actually went through a phase of TERFiness myself when I was around that age, though I'm a transfem and not a transmasc. Used a lot of that rhetoric... but eventually I learned more about both actual trans people as well as real feminist gender theory.
Either way, I'm really sorry about the circumstances that brought you and I hope you can find what it is that you want.
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
thank you! likewise i hope you are in a better situation than i am and will get the happiness you deserve
by The coolest Rat; ; Report
You're welcomee! Its better than it has been at certain points, though I'll keep fighting to have it be a better life than it is now. Both for myself and for my trans siblings.
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
☆telemona_girl0
This was very engaging to read, I'm always interested in learning queer perspectives on things like this. It reminds me of a video I watched on someone talking about a TERF webtoon.
Thank youu!!! I'm glad you found it worthwhile and interesting. Would be interested in looking at what video you're talking about??
This was honestly one of my more emotionally-driven blogs. I'm currently going through and editing most of my blog's writing and I might be changing some of this one!
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
Sure, this is the link ( https://youtu.be/eG4K1kU5PAM?si=RYe7z6-7QkywxGUL ) But if you don't want to copy that the name of the video is 'I read a webcomic made for and by TERFs' by ghostmountainfan42. There's another good video on another TERF webcomic titled 'feminist comic turned terf' by The Queer Kiwi (https://youtu.be/GV16_tDZDD0?si=IKoQ70bcQXUVjNhu)
by ☆telemona_girl0; ; Report
There are far too many TERF webcomics apparently.... Though even one feels like too many to me.
May watch this though too much TERF content tends to drive me insane.
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
I feel that it helps that these two videos in particular definitely make fun of it and are pretty light hearted but of course take care of yourself first and foremost.
by ☆telemona_girl0; ; Report
Thank youu! TERF narratives in particular cause trans people, especially transfems, a lot of guilt and mental anguish. There is a certain amount of imposter syndrome that tends to be imparted when you're constantly being made out to be some kind of monster, not the least of which is when you may have already felt like that was somewhat true to begin with because of the dysphoria.
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
I see, well I hope for you and many others in the near future won't have to live with such heavy guilt on the conscience and that people learn that you are all just people.
by ☆telemona_girl0; ; Report
Thank youu, I appreciate your seemingly quite genuine concern. Kinda unusual from cis people.
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
I appreciate that, I try and be as open minded and as considerate as I can since I’m not queer.
by ☆telemona_girl0; ; Report
It's very unique, thank you.
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
Explorer of Wonder
>I implore people to make fun of me for this, because on one level it definitely is.
How can I make fun of that? I'm bad at making fun of others. (without bullying them)
I mean you don't have to haha. I just say that because I think there is genuine comedy in it too.
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
Okay! TERF lover
by Explorer of Wonder; ; Report
Okay you may be trying too hard there, I appreciate the effort though.
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
okay... :( /J
by Explorer of Wonder; ; Report
Explorer of Wonder
A classic, hating what one wants to repress. Does TERF stand for something? I understand that they are people who are against trans people and the measures that favor them.
TERF stands for Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist. They want women's liberation (theoretically anyways), but principally do not include trans women as part of that, they see trans women usually as monstrous manipulators and not-as-true-women.
by LuciLucilia; ; Report
Thanks for the explanation
by Explorer of Wonder; ; Report