I got sent to the mental hospital -- and it's different than you might think !

so about two and a half months ago i had to be admitted to an inpatient mental facility. initially, i was terrified because my mom used to work at a mental hospital and she got beat up by one of her patients so like i was scared they were gonna beat my ass there or something. however, the experience was a lot different than i thought it would be and wasn't nearly as scary i had believed.

i wont go into too much detail of why i had to be admitted, but i'll say that i attempted to overdose on various medications. when i told my mom what i did, she started freaking out and began rushing me to the hospital. she also called 911 and made me call my dad, so we ended up all meeting at a road intersection. i was so overwhelmed and scared because one, i just tried to off myself, two, i just had a horrible argument with my mom, and three, there were unfamiliar people who had guns on their belts surrounding me.

i ended up getting taken to the hospital via ambulance for the rest of the way. the emt that was helping me made me feel a little bit better, and he was really nice. he had to start me on iv fluid to dilute the meds in my system. after about 20-30 minutes of driving, we made it to the er. i went through security and they had me go on a bed. they gave me a hospital gown and a pair of pants, and even an ipad that they had from the pediatric unit. i played fruit ninja until i was bored of it, and then i started watching wandavision on disney plus. i was really tired, so i ended up falling asleep halfway through the episode. i woke up because i had to use the bathroom. getting up and moving had woken me up a bit, so i resumed my wandavision episode. however, i ended up falling asleep again. i thought i was so tired because i had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep, but that wasn't entirely the case.

i was awoken by the hospital staff taking me to another room in the er. the walls were white, and it was empty except for 2 beds and a chair. my parents even came to visit me. i didn't talk to them though(or i barely did, i can't remember). yes, because i didn't want to, but also because i was too tired to speak. the nurses asked me if i wanted to eat anything, and i said yes because i was starving. i think i had a salad, and my mom had to feed me because i was too tired to it myself. once i was finished, i passed out again. i woke up a few times in the next few hours to use the bathroom, but someone had to be in there with me. my body felt so weak and i could barely stand on my own. i mostly just slept, ate, used the bathroom, and went back to sleep for the next whole day. i later found out that my exhaustion was caused by the meds that i consumed, and the effects wore off over time

after a day in the er, my parents decided to take me to the er of the children's hospital nearby. basically it's the same process as the last hospital. i'm given materials so i can color, and i get to order food for myself(i got fries, chicken strips, and ice cream i think). i fell asleep again, and when i woke up, i was told that i was being transferred to the other children's hospital so i could be admitted to the mental health unit. i was so scared. i felt like nothing was real as i walked into the black van, not knowing what was to come.

the ride was only about 10 minutes long. i got the hospital, went through security, and i was greeted by my nurses. they gave me a small tour of the unit, and showed me to my room. it was actually pretty nice. 

this is what the rooms looked like. there was a tv in each one, and led lights that we could change the color of whenever we wanted. there were two beds per room, but everyone got their own room. the extra bed was for visitors who wanted to sleep over.

i had to a process called "down to the gown". it's when someone has to change into a hospital gown, with nothing on under, so they know you don't have anything on you. once i was done, they gave me new scrubs and some stuff for hygiene. they gave me some paperwork, a small notebook, and crayons and put them on my desk. i was also given a menu for what i wanted to eat tomorrow. everyday in the morning, we chose what we wanted for each meal the next day from the menu, but since i just got there at night, i had to do it then. they left me alone so i could go shower. i REALLY needed to shower. i smelled horrible, i will admit. the bathroom doors were foam mats with magnets on them, which i found kind of funny. i would show a picture of the bathroom, but i couldn't find one on google. they were pretty small, and the garbage "can" was a brown paper bag. i finally took my shower, which felt pretty nice.

after i was done in the bathroom, i drew a little bit in my notebook (i'll add a picture when i get home). i played with the lights a little bit until they were at a brightness i was satisfied with, and went to bed. 

i was awoken by a nurse bringing me breakfast (pancakes and hashbrowns, i literally got this combo single day). i think i had to pee in a cup after that, but it might've been the night before.

after breakfast, i went to the main area for morning meeting

(what it looked like)

morning meeting was basically just saying our names, pronouns, our goals for the day, and a fun question. after that, we hung out until process group. process is just group therapy. i don't even think i talked at all during the first day. after a few days passed, i did end up getting more comfortable. after process, we had other activities/groups like art therapy, music therapy, movement, where we got to play just dance or go outside. it was actually pretty chill and i met some really nice people there.

there was even something really funny that happened during art therapy that i remember. we were using water with yellow food dye in it that we used to "butter" cotton balls that were meant to represent popcorn. we made a joke about the yellow water being pee and they got it from the cups that we had to pee in when we got admitted. it was genuinely hilarious, i swear!!!!!!

so yeah!! we got to get snacks whenever we wanted and we could wear clothes that visitors brought in so we could feel more comfy. it was way nicer than i thought it was going to be at first. i legit thought i would be locked in a padded room while wearing a straitjacket or something. i only had to stay there for 6 days. i was recommended a partial hospitalization program, but i was NOT trying to do that. or at least not until i had to get sent to the hospital again about a week later, but im wayyyyyyy too tired to write about that rn