brutalized

I feel a little brutalized, tired. Like it's already the end of the year yk? I'm pure dust, I don't want to leave the house anymore, I don't want to know anything anymore, I just want to rest and that's it. Can I do this? OF COURSE not. I can't play anything, my medicines don't allow me to sleep, I don't want to watch anything, I just got fucked up. Anyway, I need to focus more on improving my health, I've been eating a lot of the wrong things lately and it's been slightly bothering me. Today I ate a cheesecake and it was AWFUL because it was from the bakery, it looked like jelly instead of a real cheesecake??? I wanted something to make me feel alive because the way things are going it only complicates me. If anyone wants to give me some advice ill happily take it istg