(っ˕ -｡)ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 blog post 003 - i messed up

hi guys!!! what a day today was. i made a mistake,,, or maybe a misunderstanding? i dont know. ill get into that in a sec. i’m sorry for not posting yesterday, it was my day off and i spent most of it asleep or just reading my light novel and chilling. 

anyway, i need to provide backstory a little. so we got a new chief manager at work, we'll call him J, and he is an older gay man, and yesterday he was telling me that he worked in a gay bar in the 80s. i asked him if he ever did drag before and he said yes and mentioned that he still had the shoes. so later on in the work group chat, which has all the employees, we were talking about doing a christmas party and we mentioned wanting to do karaoke, and when J said he wanted to sing madonna i said "you should wear your special shoes that you were telling me about." this got us into a conversation about drag, where the assistant manager (we'll call him D) started talking about how he had done drag before, and to my knowledge he's even worn makeup to work. so J starts making fun of D jokingly saying that his legs arent long enough, and he isnt built for gowns so he wouldnt be good at drag. all fun and games and shenanigans and yada yada, then the conversation ends for the night.

flash forward to today, we have another group chat which is just some of the management (me, D, and then T and N) and one of our part time employees (F). D sent a picture saying he was about to come to the mall and see us and that he was dressed up like a femboy, so he was basically in drag, with makeup on and everything else. and then after he sent the picture of him, J came in to say hi and give me a second to go outside and vape, and i thought it would be fun to have J stick around for a bit so he could see D in drag, since he had been dogging on him the night before. i didnt think this would be a problem because D is usually really confident and outgoing and had sent a picture to the group chat already, plus J knew that he did drag sometimes. 

so then J makes kind of a big deal of it and messages the other group chat, asking D where he is. D seems to get really embarrassed and messages the other group chat (ik this group chat stuff is confusing pls bear with me) saying i was evil for that and stuff, and when he came in he seemed really embarrassed and like he didn't want to be there. by this point i was already sensing that i had fucked up, so i was just sitting on the floor behind the counter counting the safe and mouthing that i was sorry. after he and J both left, it was just me and F in the store, and i finished counting the safe but was almost crying because i felt so bad that i had embarrassed D. i messaged him and apologized, and he said it was okay and that he just had gotten pretty for a date night with his boyfriend, and he didnt know what J would think so he felt awkward. i told F how bad i felt and they tried to comfort me, but i still ended up crying in the bathroom for like 10 minutes before i had to lock in and close the store. so yeah, that happened and i felt like shit like i had embarrassed D, which i really never intended to do. i thought it would just be fun and i really thought he looked pretty, and i thought it would be like a "haha J, look he does pull off drag" moment if that makes sense. 

i privately messaged T and N after to get their advice and they said that it sounded like it was just a misunderstaning, but my bf says that it sounds like i kinda was in the wrong. so i dont know where i go from here. i left D alone because hes on a date and idk how long itll last, but i’m thinking i get him starbucks tomorrow morning as an apology... 

oh and i messaged J saying that i think D was embarrassed and to not bring it up when they open together in the morning, and J was understanding and said he would never judge D, but that he wouldnt say anything. it felt better that J, T, and N all understood that i didnt have any malicious intent. i just hope D sees the same. so we'll see how it goes tomorrow when i work with D, i think i’m just gonna try to keep my distance since it seems like being friends with my coworkers has gotten me in trouble a little. i dont want to have drama or for anyone to be mad at me or to do anything wrong. i just dont wanna screw stuff up. 

anyway, i think thats about all i have the energy to type up right now, not to mention its like the only notable thing that happened today. i’m gonna play around on spacehey a little bit and maybe change my profile layout, then i’m gonna read my light novel, take a bath, watch tiktok with my bf and sleep. buhbye for now friends :3 

please be kind in the comments, i know i messed up :(