Muses of the Fall

Sooo recently as the weather is changing I've been trying some new things. New little things that I know I wish to make frequent parts of my life, not just blips of living in a mostly bleak sea of escaping and hiding.

I'm waking myself up! Getting back into learning. Taking myself to "school" in a new way. Like I'm helping my inner kid out of bed to start her day in my adulthood. Cherishing the youth I still have, to reimagine what growing can look for me.

I'm teaching myself grammar and music theory! A while ago I took out my dirty dusty keyboard from under my bed that hasn't seen the light in god knows how long! I practiced my major scales, and learned to play the Avatar's Love from Avatar the Last Airbender. I even came up with my own melody with some harmonic intervals that made me excited about music again. This was already a few weeks ago. You see? I want this to be my life!!! I miss being a kid and watching shows where people have ambitions and take classes and risks and have fun! A life that feels like Angelina Ballerina. And feeling a part of that; staying busy, going to school and such at the time. Taking risks every day. Doing Karate. Dancing. Drawing. I want my life to feel real again. A part of a story that I feel has been left behind for years. I haven’t felt real.

Sooo I visited a music store one day. It reminded me how much I want a loop machine and a synthesizer. After, I went to Panera for the first time! Hehe! I like having those little days out with myself. I sat at a small round table near the fireplace with my broccoli and cheddar bread bowl soup and an apple and a vanilla latte. Some people think God is a big man in the sky who controls everything. But these little moments are God to me. You're gonna hear that a lot from me so get ready for it! Isn't that why we're here? To taste and smell and listen... They played some great songs in that Panera! They played "Be Sweet" by The Japanese Breakfast and "Dreams" by The Cranberries. And a Vampire Weekend song. I liked swaying back and forth in my seat, happy and giddy about food and the warmth of the place. And the people, those are also little worlds, little gods like me. And I enjoy their presence even if they don’t know it. The calm, cozy mundane. 

I got a gourd! From the grocery store. It’s a tradition ever since I found Chris Fleming. It’s a medium sized one; round, light yellow, with splotches of green and orange. 

And Halloween of course! I was Madame Mim from The Sword in the Stone. I mad my own felt pig nose and ordered a purple wig from ebay. I tried to go to a “haunted disco” but nobody was dancing. Everyone was sitting down and eating and drinking. I already ate at a cute lounge. So I left. I heard that dancing in our society has gone down a significant percentage. We need to do it more. I love music and dancing. It is honestly one of the highest expressions of beauty and god I think. And warmth and sensuality and good food!!! Like, just the idea of making eye contact with someone while dancing like saying I Love You.

I LOVE YOU! I hope you have all had a wondrous fall full of embracing warmth in new special ways as the world chills. 

Much love always,

Lexie <333