The Connection I Still Can’t Explain

I don’t even know where things stand between me and him anymore. It’s been over a year since it ended, so I do know, technically...but lately, it feels like there’s something there again. Like we’re connected somehow. Like he’s thinking about me, and I’m thinking about him. Like our thoughts overlap, and I can feel it.

I think about him all the time.

And honestly, it sucks...because I know I shouldn’t.

I’ve grown so much since then. I used to do everything for him, but now I have more self-respect. I know my worth. And I know I don’t want to end up in that same situation again. I could only ever go back to him if he truly changed. I don’t want the same story all over again. I don’t love him anymore...that feeling faded a long time ago...but I still value him deeply.

I still have feelings for him.

What he needs to understand is that he can’t just come back into my life like all the other guys do. And honestly, I don’t even know if I could trust him again...if things would really be different this time. All I know is that I miss him so much. I just want him here with me. And I don’t understand how I’m still in this place after all this time. I know I’m repeating myself now... but that’s exactly what it feels like inside my head....The same thoughts, looping for months.

I want him back every single day.

And yeah, I’ve talked to other guys, but somehow, they always remind me that none of them are him. But I’d never actually tell him any of this. I mean, I do have plans to text him... maybe. But the chance that something real will come out of it, that we’ll actually talk again, and that everything will go back, or maybe even get better… that chance is small.

Still, I keep hoping for the best. I keep taking my chances.We’ll see what happens.

xoxo bella