Report Blog Entry
HEAVY TIRGGAR WARNING! : Mentions of suicide and rape
i feel like im going to die tonight and not wake up in the morning.. i still feel a sense of dread and doom and despair i feel like i did something terrible like the feeling when you kill something .. or the feeling of getting caught doing something illegal or the feeling when you loose copious amounts of blood i dont know why i feel like this but i am scared is something bad gonna happen to me or a loved one..?? am i gonna die and never wake up knowing that im dead? will everyone just forget me in due time being labled as that one small town teen who died?? am i just gonna be another bench with a plaque? .. im scared to be honest as a very suicidal person who has attempted many many times this time right now feels diffrent i dont wanna die but it feels like im gonna die i feel my head swaying back and forth it feels like im drowning someone help me ive never shared this to anyone here but i was touched by my father in explicit ways and i feel the same way i did when to exploited me the feeling that i was forever gonna be tarnished impure and unclean i feel that right now and i dont like it why do i feel this way why? .. if i do ened up dying tonight i just wanna say u taht life was fun why it latsted youknow??
Comments
Displaying 1 of 1 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
blizzard
first off, I am so sorry you went through such a horrible thing. none of this is your fault, none of the things you feel are your fault, and ever will be. second, your emotions are there for a reason, but not all of them may be helping you. emotions are FOR helping us, but don't always help us. so I want you to hear this right now, you are going to live. you are going to heal. you are going to live a life worth living. again, absolutely none of this is your fault. also, I really don't want you to panic right now. if you can help it, try using some ice or some rubber bands to calm yourself down. breathing techniques, such as the square breathing method. for ice, you can just keep it against your skin, even when you feel like you can't bear it anymore, keep the ice on your skin for three minutes (or as long as you can, no more than three minutes). for rubber bands, if you have any, try snapping it against your wrist until you feel like the emotions calmed down, at least a tiny bit. and for breathing, breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, and hold for four seconds. then repeat.
I wish I could come up to you right now and hug you, or buy you an ice cream or something. but for now, I can listen to you (if you want to talk of course.) life can be really, really, really really really really really hard sometimes. or maybe, all the time. I'm not going to downplay it, or tell you that things will get better. believe that things will get better or don't believe it, all I want you to do right now is survive this moment. okay? if you need help or need to talk to someone just message me, I'll try to reply as soon as possible. and I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but you are so, so, so strong. for reaching out for help online. for finding the little things that you enjoy in life. seriously, people like you need more credit. a lot more credit. and a lot, a lot a lot more support. but even if you haven't gotten the support that you needed, it can start now... ack I'm really sorry this sounds like I'm trying to force you to reach out for help. listen, do what you think is best. don't just listen to only your head, or only your heart, but listen to both your head and your heart. make the wisest decision you know, if you think you can do it. again, you are so, so strong, and you really don't have to be strong alone. I really wish the best for you. message me if you want. and if you don't want to, then please try to find help somewhere. it doesen't have to be from here. and I know that's a WHOLE lot easier said than done, because unfortunately the system is really messed up. but trust me, eventually people will find you. and help you.. I want to say more, but this is already a lot of text lmao.. I wish you the best, and even if you're an atheist, I'll keep you in my prayers