stuff from my dreamwidth journal.

what the subject says.it's kindalike talking to a void over there,but i wanted to put some of it here.

painted black.bleeding white.

kissordietrying.
3 Nov 2025 12:11 am
i'm pessimist labelled.frame language for i just can't seem to help it.

criminal offences on oratorical speech,forceful rewording through cultivar reversion.and low turgor pressure will wilt those words,a drought and dehydrated submersion.

it's scratching onto my phosphorus skin.feel the burn and let it ignite.piloted surge,orchestrated flames of sunlight.

conductor commence the overture,an operatic pack.mauled to decay as dawn digests my peel,thirdwayblind to a semi-charmedcomposed attack.

there's no masking left over my dilapidated machinery,bearings and bushings unfastening with the hope of what was left for me.what was once bonded by naïve karat wishes now stands destructed,dejected,golden counterfeit kisses.
the truth never set me free,swimming sharks and butterflies with fractures wings.no flight for the vicious nor fragile.and fate says it's best to keep grounded for a while.
so i close my eyes,white falls from the heavens,my fascination becomes blessed with an unnamed skeleton.my brain only emits waves in the form of it's voice,the riffs are alluring,though i'm not given a choice.staying stuck between worlds of what's real,what's fake,these illusionary visions i don't want to escape.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

on a first-name-basis with crooked forms of convenience (mosthabitsmustdiehard).
2 Nov 2025 04:05 pm

i need to flee from the snow,yet i can't crave the heat.but streaks of angels are pretty.it's what i seem to need.
feel the drop of another line and be my cola with a curse.signing terms,to keep flings clandestine,in how to feel.you must immerse.let me talk to you in cadences.mouth hooking to your verse.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

a place for protoconsciousness.
31 Oct 2025 05:31 pm

if all we know is falling,let me fall up into your ether.i'll feature as the form of matter wanting to breach your personalspace.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

nosubject.i love this piece of rubber.
28 Oct 2025 11:40 am
hot water bottle too cold with covering but burns when no covering.hmmm.i do not concern myself with the marks caused because iamwarmmm.
tags: fix me strong so i can last., thanku eduard penkala?i dunno.

how'd you like to be alone and drowning?
28 Oct 2025 11:20 am

a month ago i was dreaming of where i am now.now i dream of where i was then.even more so for the years before that.nostaglic for a lack of conscience.
"you don't realise how good you've it until it's taken for granted"they said.
proposing courses on the pigments of my spirit which had prevailingly changed in the matter of my position toward the sun.the diurnal carousel i had no money to ride.so i'll queue to catch the next one.

and drivedrivedrive.for i want to be someplace i know with someone i want to know.finally,i've got nowhere to go.don't move so slow..slow motion see me let go.i've never been so lifeless and i've never been so alone.
because alive had a feeling.searchful for lost memory but what are the means to a lack of living?tranquillity is deafening.steer me furthur.when realisation ruins your life and ignorance is bliss.you're paying in naivety.
my body is outgrowing my mind.closing my eyes becomes the trigger for fleeting time.fertilise my circulatory.system is corrupt.our saviour,why can't you save me?should i fear my fate was never meant to be?
things change.they've changed for me..and that's okay.okay to feel the same.i'm not myself anyway.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

thoughts of a dying athiest.
27 Oct 2025 12:33 pm

"Look through a faithless eye
Are you afraid to die?"
i want to believe in a faith that grows,but i'm having a pretty hard time.so i'll find my faith in bathroom stalls.curses between my thighs.
and when it's screaming please believeinme,i'll subconsciously reject.
pleading.will it change my mind?unnumbered coming of regret.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

iso: a hard reset w complimentary mind rewiring (below fv).
26 Oct 2025 11:52 pm

i have so much shit to do it's overcramming my notes.having a sensory overloadddhelppp.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

an unfulfilling hunger inwhich everything only makes it worse.
26 Oct 2025 11:43 pm

my fever is the focus while my limbs stay mushed and motionless.self-medicated,a bottle with no brown bag.hold it to your stomach,salted wound sensations feeling alltoofamiliar to a drag.

so when my pale white turns scales,reptile skin stretching over bones,the addiction leaks like a sieve.and my health is a joke.it hurts to hold on,but it's missed when it's gone.
so call it quits or get a grip.but i don't want a solution.let go once there's no control or you'll come down with something they can't diagnose.thinned blood for the young veins.
my apologies.for this vessel is failure by design.finally let the burn fill my lungs,let the red curse my eyes.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

brandnew mix tape.
26 Oct 2025 05:15 pm

"And the way you always criticize The Smiths
And Morrissey."

isthisaboutme?whaaaaaat..best lyrics ever written.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

illuminate myface.
26 Oct 2025 12:59 am

i have stars on my ceiling which glow in the dark,and sometimes i wish i could glow too.i could be so much like you.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

send me all your vampires.
25 Oct 2025 07:41 pm

sit back.how many nights do you have to stay awake?take it so slow.coffin sleeping sevendays a week.
i don't dream.i can't.i don't don't don't.let the fall happen.switch back to vampire sleep.anything is better than this.
i close my eyes and dream that i'm awake.i'm outside but there's no life in the air.i'm on a train but there's no one at the helm.and there's a demon in my brain.he starts to overwhelm.
"We sleep heavily because we need to ask so many questions as we dream alone."
douglas coupland,shampoo planet.wash away my garlic scent.the allicin is turning my skin granite.
it doesn't get any better than this.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

annotate myface.
25 Oct 2025 11:11 am

entertain myfaith.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

so loved.so unloved.
25 Oct 2025 03:46 am

a connoisseur of dirt,celebrating my worth.pinned on a fossil that's not quite dead.but i'm invincible here.in my manufactured dreams.a fabricated resolution..how can i move ahead from backward motion?
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

(bitter)sweetsixteensummers.andfalls.
24 Oct 2025 06:47 pm

laze around addicts."you should shootuptillam."feeding through tunnels and burrows beneath my skin.liquid diet though so calorie dense.
i promise it's not illusionary truth.
mymind please stay occupied,watch the world go by.a show with low ratings and pulled from the screen,morelike.eat up the brightness.drink up the IV.look at radioactive me.i can glow in the dark..wish you could see.

step outside.one foot at a time.i'm charged with an ionizing radiation.an untameable power.accompanied demolition.who am i meant to be?
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

walking with thewounded.
24 Oct 2025 02:23 pm

is it ever physical,or is it purely inmyhead?dad said people make themselves sick sometimes.so i'm trying not to think.don't think when it kisses you hard.
the pressure of lips indents a scar on your skin.there's still a little bit of your taste in its mouth.does it feel good?is it satisfied?or does it feel like suicide?
iknowiknow iknow i can't keep myself together.fragmented-me pieces are falling by the second.it's spread all over my leather white eyes and it's got so bright,why won't it die?
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

brainpain.
23 Oct 2025 08:00 pm

i don't really know what i'm doing.finding an outlet in a hope for clarity i suppose?
i can't kill the memory.i wishwishwish i could.
my wishful thinking will put me in the ground..i think.drive me into hysteria.can you feel it?i believe it.breakdown.fade away.a life worth living can't be saved.magic genie in a bottle,for you're all i crave.
tags: fix me strong so i can last.

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