Sometimes giving up is the answer

Sometimes we have to stop studying and just go to sleep.

I'm autistic, last wednesday I shut down during math class. It was the last class that day and we had two hours that day. When At first I just fell asleep for a bit, but after a while I woke up, feeling my head too heavy to lift it up, unable to talk. I stayed like that until a school assistant took me outside and gave me a glass of water with sugar. I felt better and tried to go to class again, but any amount of effort just gave me a huge headache and I was struggling focusing.

During the break I talked with my teacher about this, she said it would be better if I skipped this class, as I clearly wasn't capable of focusing in class in that state; At the same time, she didn't let me go home alone, as she was afraid I could shut down while walking, like it has happened in the past. So I stayed there... everyone in my family was working, my grandma is in East Timor, and I had to wait 1 hour after my classes ended for my mom to be able to pick me up.

When I got home, I couldn't do anything, and just layed in bed. I slept for around 1 hour, as when I got home it was 6pm, and when I woke up it was 7pm. That was the height of my day, after waking up I felt extremely refreshed and with enough energy to finish my homework, that was a chemistry page our teacher gave that day to finish up to next class, that was the next day...

If I had pushed through it instead of giving up, I probably wouldn't be capable of finishing my homework... my exact thoughts at that moment were "fuck it, I can't do anything anyways I'm just gonna sleep", never expecting to actually wake up with energy.

Besides that peak of energy, next day morning I wasn't capable of talking with anyone, my classmates were worried about me, I was afraid of them making fun of me if I told I was autistic, and I don't feel safe just saying that, as I've only got diagnosed last month and it wasn't really a proper diagnostic, but after this episode my psychologist admited that it was for the better to have a proper diagnosis.

I have to hand it down to people at my school for being so much sensible than the ones in middle school tho. When I shut down in middle school my classmates woud start clapping until I lifted my head, sometimes the teacher would join too. 

Never understimate the strenght of power naps.