‿̩͙⊱༒︎༻♱༺༒︎⊰‿̩͙

LITTLE HUSBAND

By Angeth

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Author's Note: (Please read...)

Hello, this short story was originally made under the circumstances for my school. But because it's topics do not fit under the regulatories and handbook of them, I would have to censor it in the final product which is why I am posting the uncensored version of this here, thank you.

⚠️WARNING:
The short story may include heavy and sensitive topics that may not be for the weak of heart or those who have gone through the same sense. Please be warned to the following;

• Sexual Child Abuse (Said in graphic description)

• Pedophillia

• Incest

If you cannot handle these topics or have already addressed them, please do not proceed. These topics were chosen by the author to spread awareness to those who experience them, and are not intended to glorify them. Please give feedback and clarifications to the author if there is something wrong. Thank you.

Update: If anyone has even read my story or it's just rotting away, then maybe... some of you noticed its inspirations? Which of course, includes: Okaasan - Miku, and the Manga Blood on the Tracks!

‿̩͙⊱༒︎༻♱༺༒︎⊰‿̩͙

Mama!? Ma! Ma? … Ma. Where are you? 

Why? Why now that you’re gone when I need you. I was there, I was here, I was everywhere when you needed to love, but now? These– Why are there monsters–clad in blue and white, why are they tying your hands behind your back? Why do you… do you look at me– with those eyes? The ones you have when you want me to embrace you. Don’t! Treat me like you do with dad! Don’t just leave me here… please!

Faster I ran when we played tag, from those who dare to speak about anything about what true love really is, pushing forward and chasing me away. Everywhere where mouths wide, and they screamed so loud, they all yelled to chase me, and one man gripped a gun tightly. While I myself gripped the skinny Teddy tightly, I could see his organs spilling out so easily, but it never helped to get rid of the chasers. But I could no longer focus on him for long, everything was getting so dizzy, my eyes that were only for you were so blurry, it wasn’t those girly tears anymore. And suddenly, my body felt lighter.

TWIST. TWISTING. TWISTED. My ankle… It looks a little funny. It isn’t in the right place again.

“They’re here to kill me…”

Now? My ankle is pure purple and red, the colors are mixing weirdly, and I can’t tell if they're stupid or confused. 

I don’t know what just happened, everything moved quickly, I don’t know why I curled up into a ball. This feeling only happens around you, so why do they have the chance of inflicting the same special feeling you gave me when my body would… would– shake like a kettle, breathe louder than your own loud voice, would give my blue heart a short leap, big and–loud footsteps making the ground shake like an earthquake… I was being good, wasn’t I?

THUD, THUD!

“K-Kiyoshi! Answer me!… You can’t just trauma dump and act like I’d do nothing for you!”

“You heard the kid, open the door dammit! Or we’ll bust this thing do–”

“You're scaring him you idiot! Sorry kid, but we do seriously need you to confirm suspensions from this other fe…”

Shigeru… that was his voice. Why is he here?– I… I trusted him to keep quiet about what I said about you Ma… I swear! I wasn’t trying to do anything too bad! 

Kiyoshi.

“... sniff  Eh..?”

Kiyoshi. Kiyoshi. Kiyoshi.

‘My dear, why are you crying? It’s okay. Everything will be okay. Just–... please stop crying okay? You're not a little boy, you never were. Why do I have to keep telling you this, you're a man. Okay?’

“I- I’m really sorry ma, I’ll stop crying, I know I’m a man I do–”

‘Are you sure you know? How to be a man? Because I can still hear your breath hitching when we touch skins?’

Shivering. Breathing. Looking straight. Ma looked so pretty, even when the world was horizontal. Not even the messy sheets underneath my naked skin couldn't compare to Ma’s skin. She was everyone, she was everything, she was all I lived for.

Drip…. Drip… 

I looked up from my pitiful self, I couldn’t hear the yells of everyone outside, I just heard… that. I wanted to stand, to see what other danger would hurt me, but I fell, and the pain came back all over again, worse than you’d hit. I held Teddy closer, hugging him till my school uniform you worked hard to iron crumpled underneath, where I could still smell what was left of you. I know you didn’t die. But without you it feels, so confusing…? I’m–sorry…

When I hovered to where the sound was coming from, I saw that leaking water. Forming small drops of expensive water down to the empty tub. It was annoying, I wanted to turn it off. But I knew even when my bones moved on their own, that no matter how many times I tried to turn the tap to stop, it’d still continue to leak.

Sitting in the bathtub without you on the other end made life feel emptier. But I blinked so slowly, so calmly, like when you're in a bathtub that isn’t too hot or too cold anymore. The thought made my toes curl hard, my bones gripping Teddy tightly, his organs trying to spill out making him look just of skin. His eyes were uneven and the orbs of his black eyes chipped away, making him look sad yet it seems he can never get rid of that smile on his face.

Drip… Drip…

Annoying. It’s all I can ever hear, like it’s mocking me for what I’ve done to Ma. Stumbling across the other end of the bathtub, with the pain in my ribs from Mama’s love making made my breath hitch, but not the pleasing way, the times when mama gets too angry and–... but when I tried to turn the faucet off, it leaks, even more, like it was growing… angerier at my attempts for it to stop.

“K-Kiyoshi… are you still there..? Why– are you so scared Kiyoshi? She’s did something awful… she took ad–”
“NO! Y-your wrong, she’s everything! Everything I live for! You're the reason why Mama says to never tell anyone about our secret. Don’t act like you know anything about me or Mama! S-she loves me!– R-right..?”

I somehow cracked out, voice a little too high for a good measure. If Ma ever heard me scream in such a way to her, she would punish me terribly–

‘Kiyoshi. Kiyoshi.’

‘Do you really not think I wouldn’t know about that girl? I saw her love letter. I saw you take it from her, more gladly you have ever been with me.’ 

My breath hitched, staring at Ma with… I’m not sure what I felt, but it felt uncomfortable, I felt like I was going to disappear. Ma was looking at me with wide eyes. This time she was laying down with me. She looked tired, her eyes downcasted as her silky long hair was tossed aside. But she wasn’t telling me what things I should stop or what I did good anymore. Because the way she asked me about… that girl felt like it was hanging out of my ears, words penetrating my brain.  She looked– so disappointed in me…

I don’t know why but the girly tears– kept on leaking no matter how much I tried to stop it from coming out. I didn’t want Ma to think I was acting feminine, I wanted to be a man for her. But, it was so hard… and it’s so hard to not let the water– streak down onto the messy bedsheet below.

Drip… Drip… Drip…

Loud. Too loud. I wasn’t afraid of the monsters outside anymore. I wasn’t afraid of… mama’s anger.. But I felt so.. So annoyed.

“S-stop… Stop… Stop! Why can’t you just!? Stop!”

“Kiyoshi.”

“Ma?!” No It wasn’t the voice–... wasn’t screaming for me to open the door?

“Before you push me away again. I just wanted to ask… if  your mom truly does love you. Then why does she want you to keep your love a secret?”

Drip. Drip. Drip. DRIP.

“A secret? I-I… don’t know why…”

‘M-Mama please.. Stop! I-it hurts.. I told you to stop but you ju-just keep doing it…’ 

I broke out between sobs. When did that happen again? How many years has it been when I told her to stop? 4 hours ago. Right?

‘Don’t try to be funny Kiyoshi. You're my son. How will you ever repay me–’

Stop…

‘–to a… a girlish accident who can’t even handle a real woman?’

Please stop…

‘Is this how you would treat me? Your mother, your woman,–’

No! Please! Stop! Stop!

‘Your wife?’

CRACK.

I wonder what happened to the little boy across the street. He was so small yet his determination was so big. But now he’s lying stripped on his small bed. Feeling too old, too mature to be in such a small and fragile body. Yeah. That’s how he should’ve been born. To be masculine, tall, handsome, emotionless, rich, and to know how to exactly please his wife. Not some little kid who doesn’t know anything, with a body that’s still in the process of blooming, where his… his–mind is still in the process of learning… but, is it not out of his control?

You know, I wonder, Mama. When have you ever looked at me in such a way?

DRIP.

I felt my body moving without my control. But finally, it wasn’t so tense–. As I limped over to the door, I could feel my hands snaking around the knob of the battered door, and slowly turned it.

I never saw someone say happy of me doing something so small, Shigeru’s hair was a mess, with his shirt stained wet. His eyes were bloodshot, matching his face. He looked so girly. It was such a contrast to his usual clean and masculine look in school. But at the same time, he looked so worried…  And when I flinched at his sudden movement, he took tentative steps backwards. Slowly but surely, he raised his hand, and patiently waited for me to take his hand.

Who was I? To take a hand other than mama’s? I’m… not sure but, it feels warm, it feels nice to drape it over his shoulder. It feels really nice to have an option. To feel, human..?

All the de- officers were looking at us with wide eyes before some tried to run and lunge towards me before a man with a stern and cold interrupted them. I couldn't make up what he said, but I knew he stopped them from coming any further, letting Shige lead me out of the house, draping a handkerchief over my head, to cover my face from… her.

“Ma.”

The air grew still, everyone stilled. But her eyes shone with tears. 

“Mama, I’m sorry, b-but…”

I gulped, holding Teddy tightly against my chest, I could see the way his eyes shone, looking up at me, with some sort of hope.

“Mama, I don’t want to be your little husband anymore.”

…

Hmm, maybe. Just maybe, the water can stop leaking.