Vent

I quite literally hate my life. I been having immense stomach pains these past three months. Today i went to the appointment for it and the whole ride there was ass. My mom hit a mini post(didnt do much damage) but i cant stop blaming it on myself. I felt so miserable and guilty. It felt like i always did something wrong, and i always do. I had barely 3 hours of sleep today and i feel so exhausted and tired. I feel like shit. My mom is complaining that i never help around in the house after i said i was tired. She said why i dont cook, for the family-btw im 14- and that im tired of sitting on my ass all day. It really hurt me, because i know its true. Hut i try my best. I clean the dishes and kitchen every day. A vacuums the house, clean the rooms. But it never feels like enough, even to me. I have workloads of assignments and i have to do them all, including helping my sister with hers. The only reason me and her are homeschooled is because my mother thinks we’re gonna become whores at school. She lets my brother goes to in person school and it aches my heart at the difference between us. He gets to di everything while i sit at home looking at freedom from my phone. He never cleans or is asked to cook. Only me. I asked once, ONCE, why he never cleans and i was almost hit. I hate being a girl.  I feel useless and dumb. Like im not worth anything. I cant talk to anyone, i cant date, i cant even wear what i want without feeling uncomfortable. I want to drop out of nhjs but im afraid it might affect my school credits or what not. Honestly im tired, i feel like i dont belong anywhere, and that the world isnt made for me. i cant wait to end my life, but im too much of a coward to do it.