Apology (Important)

The title of this blog may be changed in the future, but this is first and foremost an apology.

I mentioned I will be making this blog sooner or later and I dont want to postpone it any longer, so please bear with me.

I keep thinking back to what I did back in 2024 and like maybe half of 2025?? Im not sure but I feel like I need to apologize to some people.

Ive seen that most of them (if not all) don't want direct contact with me, which is completely fine and understandable. So, Im gonna put it all in a blog. Reading through all of this is obviously optional and I don't want to beg for forgiveness with this, all I ask is to be believed that I do mean all of what I say.

There is a lot of stuff that needs to be talked about and discussed and I want to bring clarity to everything with this blog and therefore ask to be taken seriously. Obviously, everyone has the right to choose wether to believe that I truly changed or not, but I do want to say that I mean everything that I am about to say wholeheartedly and that I am not trying to hide any ulterior motive or things of the sort.

Also, before getting into everything I want to voice a possible trigger warning for multiple sensitive topics. If you are easily triggered or otherwise bothered by sensitive topics, I advise against reading this blog. You have been warned, read at your own risk.

I joined Spacehey on October 27th 2023. However, I have had this account for about 4 months now. In my time on Spacehey I've had several accounts, highs and lows and eras. However, around the middle of 2024, I hit one of the lowest points both in my time on this Website and in my actual life. I do not remember exact dates, which I do apologize for, but if my memory is correct, I confessed to being TCC on a discord server made for users of Spacehey in about the middle of 2024. Reactions were as expected, negative. However, few people were genuinely surprised to see that I was indeed part of the TCC. This was because I hadn't been particularly careful with hiding it, and people picked up on it pretty easily, including about three of my friends back then, who will not be named, unless they wish for me to name them. With that being said, their concerns about me were 100% valid. I had given myself the name "Cal" or "Callum" back then, had a huge interest in guns and automated weaponry and shock sites of the late and early 2000s. All of those were subtle (although unnoticed and ignored by myself) hints that I was starting to feed into the TCC and their (potentially) harmful ideology and interests.

Update 1: I found this message sent on discord back in 2024 that says I started 'being' tcc back in late march and early may, but this wasn't when I confessed to it. I believe this might be a meaningful addition to this blog.

Back to my initial confession, it went as expected. In a few minutes my online life had completely shifted, to no surprise to me. I expected to be unfriended and no longer be interacted with, as I had seen it happen with other old friends of mine who did similar things to my confession/confirmation. I understood the sadness and anger left in people who were previously friends with me and trusted in me, as I had denied being TCC so many times before. That trust was now broken, and I couldn't just bring it back. I am still, in late 2025, working on rebuilding trust in me and word, trying to allow people to be able to trust me again. And I know that might be an impossible task, but I try to make it as easy as possible to be believe me and trust in my word by being transparent with everything that happened and is still happening.

I had a small circle of friends left that didn't leave me after what I had told everyone. It was public knowledge by then, and few people were comfortable with interacting with me, again, to no surprise. I got along great with the people I had left, however I wasn't happy with it. I still wanted my old friends and connections back. I wanted to be on spacehey and be able to talk to everyone I had come to know back in 2023 and 2024. I wasn't satisfied with what I had when I should've been.

Therefore, in about the start of 2024, I started spamming the site with unwanted accounts. At the start, they were usually tame, having "funny" names and usually some sort of dumb profile picture. However, I started using horrible people as profile pictures on those spam accounts. People like the columbine shooters or the academy maniacs, to be specific. Even further, I used symbols and dogwhistles used by the national socialists back in the 1930s and 40s to be in the names of said accounts. I communicated with Spaceheys users through secret share, enjoying the (although negative) attention and reputation it gave me on the site. I did and said things on those blogs that no person should ever do, young or not, all in the name of "ragebait". I perceived it as funny. I thought it wasn't that serious. That if anyone was truly so bothered, they could simply ignore my accounts. I completely disregarded everyones happiness and comfortability just to entertain myself for a few hours. This is one of the biggest things I want to apologize for. I want to apologize for the potential harm I have caused and continued to do. I am sorry to everyone who saw these accounts, I am sorry to everyone who had faith in me to never end up that way, I am sorry to everyone who was harmed or otherwise affected by what I did. I am sorry and I always will be sorry.

I eventually stopped creating spam accounts. I was getting banned too fast, got less attention and it overall wasn't fun for me anymore. The quick dopamine rush I got out of it was gone, which was ultimately a good thing. During my time of creating spam accounts, I also tried to get attention on discord. I created multiple accounts on the platform for private things with my friends and faked messages and people who supposedly had "drama" with me. At one point, when I had discord nitro, I had a fake message set as my banner on my public account, supposedly "exposing" me. This didn't get much attention, and I didn't do a lot of things to do with discord that play a role on this platform. However, a lot of private things happened on both discord and in the real world that heavily influenced my behavior on this platform.

A lot has happened the past 2 years. I can't say that I have completely matured yet, because that simply isn't true. I was 13-14 during most of this, which most likely played a big role in how I behaved. But yet again, there are a lot of people of that age (and even younger) who never did anything of the sorts. Maybe this isn't as serious as I think it is, maybe I was just going through an edgy phase, but I have seen lasting effects left on people that I once called my friends. I apologize for my selfishness and for how tone deaf I behaved. As always, I am open for communication, both here and on discord (my tumblr is no longer active).

I want to thank you if you have read through all of this, it truly means a lot. And again, to ANYONE affected or harmed, I apologize. I will never be able to undo what I have already done, but I will do my absolute best to make sure nothing like this EVER happens again.

Thank you.

(FYI: Do expect updates on this blog. I will not be deleting anything off this blog, but rather adding paragraphs to it as I go (which will be noted as Update 1, Update 2, etc..). This is a rather quick rundown of everything that happened, but I did try my best to accurately explain everything that happened in the past 1 and a half year.)