Realizing Some of the Things Wrong with Me

I've been thinking, a little more about why I am.

Putting into words and realising the problems I have, speaking more pragmatically. which i think is good, getting to know oneself and all that jazz

I've more accurately found my anxious little "tiks". When I was doing a small job to get free tickets to go to a theatre play for like 100 points on one of my classes I kept feeling nervous that people I talked to hated me. because I "Didn't give them enough of my words" as I said.

I think a real problem is that I want to treat others like how I want to be treated, but I'm not really like others, I associate the amount of time talking and words said with the amount of "respect" and I thought that others thought that too, which is mostly false as I figure out. I also believe I am a judgmental person, which may play into that anxiety bit. "A thief thinks every man steals"

I also realized one of the biggest problems in my life at this point. My overwhelming lack of motivation. I have basically none and I don't really remember a time where Ive had an overall motive, for almost the entirety of my high school, I was just going through the motions people gave me a class and I went there. now Im an adult in college and I still have nothing, even less actually. I have no idea what i'm going to do with my life, tbh i only though about my adolescence and me being in my 50s, nothing inbetween 20-49.

I kinda lost the plot for this post, sorry if this dosent make sense.