how hyperfixation feels

okay so i basically spent about an hour and a half researching and trying to find more media of these obscure characters. (i am NOT going to say from where are they from or their names) of course i didn't found anything. i really-really need more content of these. i've been really obsessed with them, they live in my head rent-free... (english isn't my first language so sorry if there's any grammar mistakes)

the thing with a part of my interests is that they are pretty unknown or have a small/dead fanbase. so basically it's a "everyone knows everyone" or "small town big hell" #pueblochicoinfiernogrande situation, there's drama half of the time and it drives users away, including some of my favorite artists

this one is more of a pet peeve of mine: when i want to find more fanart and edits of the media, but can't find any stuff i like, sometimes i just don't like the artstyle and it gives deviantart, and the drawings i do like are only a counted few or are from years ago... every day, i go into diferent social medias and check the hashtag to see if there's something new, or refresh some of the artists' profiles. i can spend days or weeks without zero new content 

i enjoy drawing my favorite characters, but i don't think my drawings are good enough to post them, and maybe that drives me apart from other fans...and i want to see their take on some dynamics, characters, and headcanons!! it makes me so happy!!

so, regarding the media i talked about earlier, i basically can't breathe without them. they're my oxygen. i don't know anything else anymore. my mind has filled every possible hole or space to imagination with my own theories and headcanons. these characters are now a part of me. i deadass have been forgetting about stuff because of them, since i'm neurodivergent it tends to happen whenever i hyperfixate on something, and sigh i just want this to be oveeeeer what do i dooooo

pd: i wanted to leave these pixels somewhere.