silly vent

everything in my life has changed so much within like just a couple weeks and usually i'm okay with change but this time it just feels very overwhelming. i stopped being friends with my best friend (which is a good thing because she was an awful friend) and i reunited with some people in my old friend group (i luv them) but like it just feels like i don't know where i stand in my own life. i'm so confused and i'm not even making sense.

and it sucks because my friends are all going through so much rn, and i want to be there for them but i'm going through a lot right now too and i feel like i can't talk to anyone about it because why would i ask my struggling friends to support me? especially when even though i'm struggling a lot, i don't really have any reason to be and my friends are actually having a lot of bad shit happen to them.

i dunno i just really need a break from everything but i know that if i isolate myself, even in the name of self care, that's just gonna kickstart a depressive episode and i can't let that happen. but also, if i don't take a break and keep going out and being everyones therapist, i'm gonna get burnt out again and what happened last time will happen again (i basically ghosted all of my friends and they hated me for months until we made up).

sigh