before/after

I catch myself thinking I just can’t stay the way I am anymore.
I need to change-not a little, but completely.
I wanna change everything. Even my name, even the way my last name sounds.
I want my reflection to look different, for people not to recognize me, for my past to finally stop chasing me.

I think it all started when I stopped creating.
It got quiet inside me-too quiet.
There used to be ideas, little sparks, that feeling of something burning.. and now it’s just this pause between who I was and who I’ll be.
That emptiness kinda pushes me to change-to feel alive again, somehow.

So I’m changing slowly. Not on the outside-but inside.
In my habits, the way I think, speak, look at myself and others.
I’m just trying to rebuild myself, piece by piece-closer to the person I’ve maybe always wanted to be.

Yeah, it takes time and money-and maybe one day I’ll regret it. But definitely not now.
Right now, I just need to wash off every trace of what used to be “before.”
Including the country I live in