Fuck

I fucking relapsed again and I fucking hate myself for it.  I was doing really good, i had almost been clean for a year.  Luckily it doesn’t show up that much lol.  Bryce has been on my mind for a while now, and I hate that I can’t stop thinking about him.  He’s honestly a little bit of a jerk, and there’s no way in hell he’d ever be gay, so I wish I didn’t like him so much.  I really love my mom, she’s so sweet.  My dad got mad at me about my grades last night.  I’m failing 3 classes, and I have 4 D’s, too.  I’m honestly so retarded haha.  A retarded slutty faggot. Apparently that’s what I am, lol.  I feel so fucking disgusting.  I know I’m at that age, but I still feel so dirty and gross.  I mean, if I feel this way all the time, who the hell is gonna see me as a goddamn victim of assault.  I hate that word, “victim.” It makes me feel so pathetic.  Lol.  I know I really need to shower, but hygiene honestly just feels like a chore at this point.  I’m really hungry too, but I’m starting to get fat, went from 100lbs to 106 in like a month. And I haven’t gotten any taller, so I know I’m not just growing.  Damn now that I’m actually writing this down and reading it, it sounds edgy as fuck.  It’s kind of cringe.  I swear if my mom reads this I think I’ll cry (like a stupid faggot)