ᶫᵒᵛᵉ 一 ʚĭɞ ༉‧₊˚✧ entry #21: isle

♪₊˚.🎧︵‿ ⩩ ᝢ dearest digi!diary 🎀

I have friends and yet often times, I still feel lonely. I don't understand why the feeling of sadness, loneliness and isolation creeps in even when I'm with my friends. Sometimes, I just daydream and include a fictional friend whenever I'm feeling lonely even with people so I'd feel less lonely. I imagine them looking over at literary pieces I write and analyzing it with me. I manipulate my memories and imagine I was with someone during that moment to alleviate the situation and somehow make it better.

I imagine this person was with me throughout everything. I imagine I was eating Takoyaki with them, or walking home towards the bus terminal before we part ways, or even imagine promising each other that we'll see each other tomorrow, or have a call. I imagine they comfort me when I think my test scores aren't suffice to satisfy my ego. I imagine they console me when I'm sad due to my family. I imagine they share the same playlist. I imagine they like to be with me.

Even with friends, I still do this. And I just can't let go. It started when I was 7th grade and I'm 12th grade now and I still do it, but the imagined person is just different each time.

I think I'll need help.