loser moments to make you the coolest depressed guy in socal

I honestly should probably use this site more but i never know what to do on here aside from just looking at my profile, digital introvertism or whatever is a real thing and i am a perfect example. because you're supposed to reach out to people and make friends and talk or whatever but everyone in the world is somehow so much cooler than me, and saying hi is like walking up to somebody and chucking a dead animal at them

i fucking despise California. this place SUCKS i hate it here, the only redeeming qualities are my friends and the leftist politics. I hate the temperature and i hate suburbia. i'm originally from Washington and i think i miss it every single day of my life, i think i've missed it ever since i moved down here (it'll be almost 10 years this coming spring, 2016 being almost 10 years ago is fucking horrifying), i love the rain, the evergreen, how the pacific is just so much darker up there. i go up there like every winter for thanksgiving and christmas so we can spend it with my moms family but somehow every time i go up i just get so much more depressed, maybe it's because i'm around extended family? i don't really know them and that makes me sad, but also they don't really know me and i don't think that makes them sad? maybe i'm pathetic

i got into this playful fight with my friend, at least i think it was playful? i thought it was playful, i'm kind of bad with reading tone. anyway my friend was born and raised down here and for most of my life i feel like i've been constantly moving around, i talked to him about maybe attending a college in New Jersey because i feel like i need that change of scene, i feel like i need to be around people just as miserable as me and from what i've heard about Jersey the people there are the saddest people ever. anyway he said "people might make fun of you if you say you're from California." east coast west coast beef and whatever, so i said "what if i just do the pussy move and say i'm from Washington?" because honestly, even though i've been here for like 9 years i don't really identify as being Californian if that makes sense, anyway the conversation evolved into us talking about weather. I said i missed the Washington rain and he said "it rains so little down here so that when it does rain you have to savor it" or something, and then we talked about starting a band. said we'd call it "California Rain" because of our argument. I'd love to be in a band, i'm a shit singer who dreams of being the next JT Woodruff

i really like my friend, a lot. not name dropping him for obvious reasons, he used to have spacehey back in like 2022 but honestly his account is most likely abandoned. my feelings for him are probably infatuation (like the idkhow song wow!) or the worse option which is limerence (this might be more likely, idk though). either way he's off at college actually doing things with his life and im stuck at home with my stupid gap year, i still need my drivers license so i can get a job so i can pay for a name change, and then HRT, i hate capitalism 

i dont know, this is long, im sad and gay or something