I haven't been feeling great (TW: heavy mental health stuff)

TW: derealization & dissociation, maybe depression and thoughts of kicking the bucket

Lately I've been feeling disconnected from myself. I've been starting to think that I shouldn't be real. I've started thinking that maybe I wasn't supposed to last this long or I wasn't meant to be born and I some how snuck my way into life. 

A part of me is telling me I'm feeling this way for a reason, that this is my intuition speaking to me, telling me this is why I've been depressed for so long, why I was born disabled, why I'm getting so far behind everyone.

But the logical side of me is telling me, your not as far behind as you think you are. Your 19, it's ok if you can't drive or don't know what your doing in life yet.  I haven't even been an adult for that long, why throw it away so soon?

Plus, I'd get so much FOMO lol.. Like everyone gets to move on with their lives and get to grow old but I'm stuck at 19? Sounds lame to me. I have goals and dreams, I'm not giving myself a chance.

I think I just need to ground myself. But man sometimes it gets so hard.