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every day i wake up in agony. I feel left out, i dont want to be like this. Its been 7 years since i was confined to a life i never wanted to live, ive seen my peers grow up, get into relationships, complete high school, go on trips, have fun and enjoying life while i sat there in my room looking at them through a 7inch screen. I never wanted to be isolated or socially awkward. i never wanted to stay in my room like this, i cant help it. Every time i go out, there is someone who will judge me for the way i look. Wth am i supposed to do? I cant change what i look like. "OMG THATS SO COOL, I WISH I WAS LIKE THAT ENJOYING MY OWN COMPANY" WTF? who said i am enjoying. I am sitting here looking at everyone live a life i wanted. I wanted a normal life, you people made fun of me, you people made it worse, you have ruined my life and my teen years! this was supposed to be my prime which is ending. The only memories i have of my last 7 years is me sitting in this room. I hate it, ill rather wreck evryething. im losing my mind atp. Obv you people are occasionally going to drop "hey how ya doin" and then never look at the reply even if i reply instantly. Why do you people have to be so rude?
The only time youll know the worth of my life is when im dead. I still doubt that too, considering most of you wouldnt even care. Every time i see someone aged 12-19 enjoying theyre life, i envy them. this morning, i went for a walk, i sat on a bench and saw a little group of friends laughing and making jokes, it was 6AM. The sun was rising up. i walked in front of them and overheard them making plans for a movie. Thats all i wanted, thats how my life shouldve been. Its a shame i was denied a life i always wanted to live.
After i walked to the top of the hill, i could see the sun light up the whole city in front of me. As the city woke up, i shed a tear overlooking them, a tear for a life i never had, a tear for the life i wanted to live, a tear for a life i was denied. I hope the other version of me in some different universe is doing everything he wanted to.
To the other "qre" who's living his life to the fullest, i envy you yet i love you. Fly to the rainbows while i fly to the hell...
to anyone reading this, good luck!
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against_the_world
I am just a mere stranger, and I doubt I can comfort you. Yet, I'll try my best, especially today.
The life of no one is perfect, and I am saying it no to made you feel stupid or that your pain is lesser than it is, but as a person who heard 'oh your life is so perfect' when it wasn't. People can act as if they are happy, when in reality they aren't. And on social media people often post their happy moments, then those when they struggle.
When they are envying you, they are basically admitting that there is a part of their life is missing, same as you feel that.
I know what people are saying about teenager years, that they are the best, but sometimes they are horribly wrong. Really. You can get better in future, and I believe in you. You can achieve your dreams, even though you have it harder than others.
And dying will make a lot of people sad. Even if you feel like people do not care or that they ignore you, sometimes they just don't know better how to act.
I hope it will get better soon!
hey man thanks for commenting, i really appreciate it
i do understand that no one is perfect and everyone has their own problems, but they do have fun moments right? lifes a roller coaster, there are ups and downs, but in my case, it has always been going down.
this is what makes me feel sad and infuriated at times.
Sadness is temporary
by qrie; ; Report
hey man thanks for commenting, i really appreciate it
i do understand that no one is perfect and everyone has their own problems, but they do have fun moments right? lifes a roller coaster, there are ups and downs, but in my case, it has always been going down.
this is what makes me feel sad and infuriated at times.
Sadness is temporary
by qrie; ; Report
I see. In this case I recommend trying to look for at least small things which make you happy, feel good throughout the day and write it down. I don't know if you tried journaling etc. etc. but it is actual technique which is recommended by therapists. Also its good if person is at least trying to find some joy in the future. Like some new episode of some series coming out soon etc.
That is all I can think of. I don't know if it was helpful. I hope everything is going to turn good for you :)
by against_the_world; ; Report
i tried journals, it only reflected on how miserable my life is. Thank you for your coment, and good luck!
by qrie; ; Report