Lonely burnout (vent/rant)

I feel so stressed to the point of not doing anything right now. My mom called me just to yell at me to do something and how she’s spending so much money for me to go here but like I’m also paying too, I’m trying to make money and do shit on my own but I need actual help not just yelling at me

I just procrastinate so hard because I don’t wanna do any of it, even if I want to learn and like it, then I have to do everything last minute and I’m stressed again

Part of it is because my room is so messy- like to the point shits piled almost as high as my bed. I can’t use my bottom drawers and I can’t walk in here. Part of its because I’ve been procrastinating my laundry, it has not been done in months and I’ve been wearing dirty clothes and the same outfit (mcr hoodie and dirty pants) for weeks, like actually weeks, I can’t smell myself and I still shower so it can’t be that bad

My desk is also incredibly messy with parts, wrappers, garbage and random stuff. I don’t have time to clean as I have major assignments all due this week, like every day this week. I’m gonna maybe clean it after if I can bring myself to move

I also need to apply to a job because I’m so broke it’s not okay I’m being a burden and need to pay for shit myself 

I want to do this I want to learn but I can’t bring myself to do anything but lay in bed. Well I can go to class but I like to just lay here doing nothing

Also the loneliness is unreal, I have no friends in this city, I’ve tried but I’m not a very good person ig? Not interesting I mean… I like to think I’m a good friend but.. I’m horrid at talking “it starts with a hi” is so not fucking true because what do I say after that? I thought I was making a friend but they just left me on read most of the time unless it’s school or building related. Sooo guess they don’t wanna be friends? I reach out 3 times and if I’m ignored all 3 times that’s the end of it… there’s no excuses either it wasn’t even a busy time

My friends never respond, and I mean they have their own lives jobs and school work, they prob don’t even have notifications for the server on it just hurts to post into the void and get no response (this is different your not obligated to respond) and like it makes me feel so alone I’m always (save for one friend whenever she’s online) who reaches out first. And like I just, need a daily conversation with a friend but I have no idea how to tell when I’m being annoying. 

I just feel like I have no one close who I can talk too. Idk about what considering I have nothing to really talk about

I have friends don’t get me wrong I love them, my bff however checks in but we only talk talk in person. My other bff will call with me and we have our streaks but we don’t often call and I don’t wanna take up all her time cuz I know she’s busy. The rest of my friends we talk in person more but online never much despite how much I spam the server.. like those servers are mostly just me talking to myself. That’s how it always is. I just end up feeling like everyone hates me. 

Anyways I forget the rest of what I wanted to type I’m just tired… that’s how life’s been

Love you guys!! Hope yall are doin well, if anyone actually reads this lol