trapped inside the body of a finance guy

I said I was gonna come to the library at lunch to work on my geo essay but instead here we are. I'm writing about a lyric from a Taylor Swift song. The amount of times this line pops into my head during the week is actually insane. the full lyric is "quick quick, tell me something awful, like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy" from the song I Hate It Here. and let me tell you something awful alright. Basically I hear this lyric inside my mind whenever I feel trapped in real life.

When I get amazing grades but there's still always someone doing better, winning academic awards, and getting 100s in my favourite class. that's a type of trapped inside the body of a finance guy. Or more importantly, when I realize my talents aren't special (or perhaps "my dreams aren't rare," which I would argue is one of the most heart-wrenching Taylor Swift lyrics, but that's a different conversation) and I'm trapped between doing the best in school or becoming the best at my talents, which would include writing a book or something. and then just feeling lazy about the fact that I can't do both. that's a very depressing way to be trapped inside the body of a finance guy. 

Another way to be trapped inside the body of a finance guy is being atheist and all I hear around me is "I'll pray for you" and "god loves you". the frustrating thing about religion is that I feel like when I talk about my frustrations other people might think I'm "lost" and not just expressing frustrations. or maybe that's just in my head, but I make myself sick thinking about how my friends might pray for me so I won't go to hell, and how they think they're being helpful when they're really looking down on me (again that's probably just in my head). and whenever I'm struggling I think about how religious people say "its part of god's plan", like that's supposed to be comforting. It's all part of gods plan until I kill myself. not that I see myself doing that, death is actually my greatest fear, but you get the point. I feel like I'm in a dystopian nightmare when my friends are talking about some "Romeo and Juliet went to hell in my religion because they committed suicide" and I'm supposed to sit there and be respectful and act like that's completely normal. That's probably my biggest source of feeling like I'm trapped inside the body of a finance guy.

You've probably already gathered that I'm the poet and the world is the finance guy. and there's nothing wrong with being a finance guy, the world needs finance guys. but hopefully the finance guys won't end up unintentionally killing all the poets. basically this all adds up to the whole message of the song, which is I hate it here. so that's my mood recently, but I might just be starting my period and need a haircut and everything will feel fine again soon.

Also just to clarify this isn’t against anyone who follows a religion or believes in god this is just me venting