need 2 get euthanized // tw: sh+suícidal idealations, edgelord ramblings incoming

i have been feeling nauseous, not showering and/or barely taking care of myself or touching grass.

i am barely eating or drinking, just rotting in bed and being chronically online.

i genuinely don't wanna fucking do this anymore.

i am just probably going to asphyxiate myself with a bag or whatever. i just wanna die and rest peacefully without constant issues with my diabetes, anxiety and mundane life style.

what makes life fun genuinely?? i am still questioning it yet i am also too afraid of death.

i cant go outside, i am too anxious to go outside, i am too afraid to fall asleep, everything is giving me constant anxiety.

i was doing so well and now relapsed into a deep depression. YAAAAAAAAAAAY or i am just a lazy fucking dumbass!!!! o(≧▽≦)o ´-

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extra(?)

i cannot describe my feelings for the most part, i kinda feel numb but at the same time just angry at everything. i hate the world, i just want to peacefully exist without having to do a public humiliation ritual for existing, wow! i have a septum and colored hair!! WOAAAAH??? i am wearing clothing!!! or like the same 'ritzi ritzi aua aua gib mir deine emo power' (just an unfunny german rhyme, because get it?? all emos obviously selfharm /s (i am not an emo even??) and how do those people not feel embarrassed barking at an alt looking person?? GENUINELY?

lastly- don't get me started on the AFD, oh boy, that dumb bitch alice weidl got the most directionally challenged takes when it comes to politics and this is the reason i am not even going to get started, because admittedly, i am not one to be the most educated when it comes to politics. i just want everyone to exist in peace- (fyi: incase you don't know, AFD (alternative für deutschland / alternative for germany) is an extreme right-wing political party.)

but if i get another ad from those AFD dumbasses one more time i am going to lose my mind.  or see anything from those dumbasses with SS symbols or double lightning bolts in their names.

just let me be a suicidal 18 year old unemployed mess with a crippling nicotine addiction and desire to selfharm in peace.

yes i know this is probably going to make anyone reading this cringe, but i'd rather write those edgelord thoughts down than actually do anything bad or harmful.

anyways i am planning to get snake bites maybe in the future because i find them cool ^u^!!