japanese studies

ive been studying japanese for about like, 6 years? but i admit when i first started i was a dumbass. ive only started taking it seriously in the past year or so, and even though i have the flavor of autism that makes me good with languages, i've only gotten to liek, N4 level. it feels silly, idk why-cuz i know i shouldnt expect myself to be fluent when im only doing a tiny bit every day and im completely self-taught, but i feel like if i put my mind to it and actually studied studied then id be much better by now. its whateva tho, cuz its not like i need to know japanese for any reason. i dont have family or job oppurtunities nor am i going any time soon, i jus wanna know it          ┐(￣～￣)┌      i do wanna learn tagalog after it tho, cuz i have a lotta connections to the philippines and id think id be funny if the whitest guy on earth met a friend of a friend, and spoke at least decent filipino      the other options is russian, but i have less reason to learn it, though i did recently make a russian friend who is quite kewl

i have the first genki textbook that i got years ago, but i honestly havent touched it since i got it. i much prefer tae kims grammar guide but i very rarely study. i have my own flashcard deck on anki, and i have two premade decks on there too. i also do a bit of kanji practice on duolingo daily but thats just so i remember to do my flashcards lel. ive started an immersion playlist that i rarely touch, but sometimes i like to watch these japanese makeup tutorials since i find their shibuya girly way of talking fun to listen to [ tho i fear i might pick up that way of speaking, and while i luv it, im not cut out for it o(TヘTo) ]      i wanna do more to progress more, but i also cant find the will to. idk, its jus been such a constant that im like "eh, but do i need to?"     its silly ikik

sometimes to practice i like to try to explain western trends in japanese, with my most notable example being that when the "hear me out cake" trend was at its peak, i wrote a short paragraph to exercise my skills. its pretty shit i thinkz [ since its kinda old ], but i enjoy these longer writing exercises.

でも聞いてケーキ。みんなが「でも聞いて」のキャラクターの絵を持っていて、それをケーキに入れる。それらキャラクターはよくへんまたは醜い、でも誰かは”でも聞いて”話しますで、なんでその人そのキャラクターは好きを説明するために

holy sardines its been a while since ive read this.     the closest thing i could think of for "hear me out" was "but listen!" so thats what i roughly went with       i wanna find another concept i could try writing out like this but my skills are still subpar.  feel free to tell me whut you think or suggest stuff lel       i can already see some particles that are      eh but whateva     its oooollddddd

i think ill try studying the grammar guide more        im only a couple pages in cuz im ass at studying [ thanks a lot, gifted kid syndrome bestowed upon me by my high school years ], but what i have read has already been super helpful :3        if you got this far, thankz for reading, you the best <3