Being a muslim (for muslim)

I don't even know if I can be called a Muslim anymore, but anyway, I love Islam, I love Allah (swt) and everything about it... just that omg idk if some Muslims here can relate but it's like SOME (i said SOME) men use Islam against WOMEN by saying "cover yourself" "cover this cover that, don't talk like that stop doing that" and it genuinely drives me crazy, it sounds like men want to control women and use SOME stuff about Islam against them and not give gentle and kind tips to them. 

Whenever I see the tik tok video of a Muslim woman, fully covered with Niqab, and talking about something, I open the comments and see "33:33" or like "don't show yourself" like to you want her to do? Disappear? Hide her shadow? At this point it just insane and it show that SOME men want to control women with Islam. And also the fact that SOME men or women are literally homoph0bic / Transph0be, like tell me WHEN and WHERE did Allah (swt) told us to be homoph0bic and transph0bic? Last news were that Allah (swt) told us to RESPECT everyone, NOT to support trans people or lgbtq+, to RESPECT them, (and yes, i am friend with trans people, they got the same interest as me, I respect them, talk nicely to them, hang out with them, and just behave like a normal person would, but I don't support them, I won't go around and say "go girl/boy!" Or help them in their transition. I RESPECT them, and even some trans or lgbtq+ people just want RESPECT and never ask more) 

My brother is one of those people, he act like a homoph0bic and transph0be person, but when he sees real trans and lgbtq+ people? He resoect them, he just wanna sound "tought" in front of us when we know damn well he wouldn't do shit. At least he is not one of those insane men that use Islam against me, telling me "you're not covering yourself enough" or stuff like that, he even said that he was grateful to have a sister like me, who show her interest to anyone, who has a different style, as long as I don't wear flesh on skin clothes or short mini skirt, i'm good (i don't feel comfortable wearing shorts or tight clothes, I prefer oversized and baggy clothes so my family never worries about me dressing in tight or short clothes) I have an alt style, and when I say alt style, it's not that alt makeup, piercings, nails, nope, I don't wear makeup, neither have any piercings (but maybe gonna ask my mom for more ear piercings if it doesn't hurt) I don't often paint my nails black, I don't like fake nail (everyone like what they like, I won't judge), I just wear oversized clothes, look like a boy, and have more of a affliction/ "grunge" style as they call it, i also cosplay. And my (big) brother is fine with it, I have an ita backpack (if you don't know what it is, search it up) with full pins and keychains, I go to school with it, guess what? Nobody cares, my brother is fine with it.

But SOME "muslim" men will say that i imitate a boy, that it's haram what i do, tell me where it is haram? I cover myself, we CAN tell that i'm a girl even though I have short hair, we can SEE it on my face, i'm FULLY covered head-to-toes. "B-but you have human representation on your backpack!" I didn't drew them, and it's not even "believing" in other gods, i just like those characters and show it on my backpack so I can make friend more easily who also have the same interest as me. "You can't hang pics of people on your room! It's haram!" It's not (I think) just that angel don't come into your house, and plus there are already pics of my family hanging around in my house that MY MOM attached on the walls, it won't hurt anyone if I hang a few posters in my room. "But figurines are just representing gods!(Idk if i got this one right)" tell me where hatsune miku is making me believe that there are other gods? I don't pray to her💔 i just like how pretty she looks and want to decorate my room with her figurines.

I think they will always try to find sm haram about you, as if themselves aren't haram enough. It's like when they say "pants are men's clothing! If you wear them you imitate men and will go to hell!" Pants are comfy + I don't like skirts, where is it haram to wear pants? I just have enough of SOME men sm💔

Because of them I feel like I wanna quite Islam and stop. Why can't I just love Islam? I want to pray, to love Allah (swt), to talk to him, to love him, to feel peaceful, but no. SOME en gotta come and ruin it all by saying everything you do is haram and just lowering your mood even more and not wanting to even feel close to Islam with everything they say.

That's why i'm saying, felas Islam, just do your OWN research in the Coran (not on internet cuz you can never believe what they say nowadays) believe what you think is good, and just pray, and ask for forgiveness to Allah (swt) if you think you did something bad, embrace Islam and shut the mouth of the men that tell you that "this is haram, that is haram, this, that, that this", don't listen to them, listen to the good people, the good Islam schools, and listen to Mohammed (sws).

That's all, CHERRY out.