The light we only see in darkness- A journey from despair to enlightenment.

The light of a candle is transferred to another candle- spring twilight”. This highly poetic, yet simple haiku, belongs to Yosa Buson. This poem encourages us to reflect upon, and enjoy the small and often fleeting moments of happiness and bliss. While reading this haiku, however, I asked myself : “Why is it that we only want to focus on fleeting moments of joy, but never those fleeting moments of pain?”.

Well, for those of you who are psychology savvy, the answer is quite simple: humans are naturally wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure. When we experience a small moment of happiness, like having our favourite desert after a stressful day of school, or watching our favourite show, we want that moment to last forever. But when we experience a moment of temporary stress, or inconvenience, like say, catching a huge line of traffic on your way to school, we only wish it away. It is our instinct. But is it the correct instinct? Isn’t it true that sometimes we learn more from pain, rather than pleasure? And if that’s the case, doesn’t that mean that we should make more of the moments that bring us pain, rather than those that bring us happiness?

All of these questions came to mind while I was watching the critically acclaimed movie “Frida”, a movie about the legendary female painter, Frida Kahlo, a few days ago. The movie carefully followed Frida’s life through crippling injury, a tumultuous marriage and through having her work considered a mere “dabble” in art. It was the second time that I was watching this movie, but this time, I found myself paying closer attention. Frida seemed to be alive on screen, graciously painting her own life frame by frame. And as I was watching the movie carefully, several things came to mind. The first thing that came to mind was that we, as a society, were not ready for Frida, and I would argue that we still aren’t. Her works are so symbolically complex and yet so simple, so full of deep pain and yet so vibrant. It seemed that Frida herself was a walking contradiction, built to be perceived, but never fully understood. She found a way to make pain seem colourful, vibrant. Alive. The second thing that came to my mind was that, perhaps if Frida had not been run over by a bus, forcing her to live her life in crippling pain and disability she would have never created any of her works. Moreover, if she never endured through the difficult marriage that she had with her husband, she may have not continued to create . Pain was the catalyst for Frida’s artistic flame. Without it, the world would live in darkness without her light.

Just as I was forming my final thought, the door to my salon opened and a nurse walked in, carrying a cart full of medicine and IV patches. I raised the head of the hospital bed that I found myself in, to take a sip out of a bitter concoction. I extended my arm to receive a shot, and have my IV changed. Finally, after all the poking and prodding was over, the nurse left, leaving the blinking fluorescent lights and the silence of the hospital salon to haunt me. As I was watching the credits roll on the tiny  hospital TV screen, I realized that I was watching the credits to my own life as well. Much like Frida, I too lived through a serious and debilitating neurological infection. At the beginning of this school year, after weeks of pain, I found out that I had been suffering from a post-infectious myelitis caused by a virus called HHV6. This neurological infection caused me to not be able to walk almost at all without a cane, and caused me to be hospitalized for weeks, trying to recover. However, just like Frida, I decided to let pain be my teacher. In a way, I feel like her own flame was transferred to me. While I was in hospital, I worked tirelessly on a speech for a public speaking competition . At the time, I didn’t know if I would be able to walk normally again. But I decided that even if I didn’t I was going to use the one thing that I have full confidence in, to light up the world: my voice.  I am not recovered from HHV6, but  I developed a lot through the suffering. I became more resilient, more motivated. More empathetic.I wonder if I would have ever gotten as far if I hadn’t gone through it. Because, after all pain is our greatest teacher.

So yes, we should enjoy and make the most out of every moment, even in pain, or despair. Every little moment of our life teaches us something. But the next time you’re in pain, or in suffering- don’t run from it. Sit with it. Learn from it. Grow from it. Let pain be your teacher. Let pain fuel your flame.

Thank you!