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6 months without you but it seems like i was just talking to you. i miss you bb, is wrote a letter to you and find a way to integrate you into the things we do at school without you there. i’ll never stop talking about you and loving you. i wish i could’ve helped you but it’s too late, would i even have been able to stop it? probably not and i can’t feel guilty about it. i find a way to mention you to everyone new i meet, i can’t let your memory leave like you did. i will hold onto you forever. i’ll only stop talking about you once im gone, but once i am, i can see you again and tell you everything i want to tell you.

there was a boy i thought was perfect, one who said he was like shaggy which you said was the sort of guy you thought i would be with. i felt like you’d sent him to me. he wasn’t as perfect as i thought. im over it, what he did still lives in me but it doesn’t affect me as much anymore. i know you would’ve been telling me how you’re going to go handle him yourself and making me feel better. i wish you could’ve. you’re the sweetest person i’ve ever met and i’m not exaggerating. you cared about anyone and everyone. there’s no one else who could possibly beat you.

we got a different english teacher which i know you would’ve been pissed about. i am too, the new ones dine in some ways but i truly can’t stay in that class. if you were here i would’ve stayed, but there’s not much keeping me there as there two things holding me in that class are gone now. when we first got the new teacher, my first thought was that she won’t understand what we went through with you, she doesn’t know you, she’d never be able to meet you and understand what we all felt. when we do something fun as we progress to year 12, my first thought is always you. every single time i imagine that you should be with us. when we made the bracelets at retreat, the first thing i did was your initials. that’s all i could think about. when i showed the teacher i almost started sobbing and had to leave, the only words i could get out was “look what i made” before my eyes welled up.

i’m sorry for not going to the funeral, i didn’t think i would be welcomed. but now it’s my biggest regret. i’m sorry for not being there for you, i know i watched it but it’s not the same. though seeing how hard i cried while watching it at home, i probably wouldn’t have held up for a second there.

i love you