New shop, same void

I did the thing. I moved my station and all of my supplies to a new tattoo shop. I know this is supposed to be a “ fresh start” but to be honest, it feels like it’s just a different set of walls to feel isolated inside of. At the risk of spilling too many beans in public, my old shop simply wasn’t built for me.

 I spent this past week in the corner, watching the other artists make permanent skin stickers on clients. My job is to observe, clean, prep, and essentially be a highly specialized unpaid maid. I find myself constantly surrounded by people yet somehow I still have this gut wrenching feeling.

The other artists seem…well enough. They even seem like they could potentially become actual friends that I one day very much enjoy..I know that I should trust them given that they hold the keys to my entire future but I don’t. I can’t trust the shop. I haven’t been in this industry for very long, but I have figured out already that vulnerability is a bad business model. It’s a liability. Especially when you’re an apprentice and completely disposable.

So I’m back to my old routine: keeping my head down, keeping my station clean, and treating every friendly gesture like it is a potential trap.

-more exhausted than ever but still pushing