blog #5

thurs / oct / 30 

ok hi.

i know ive been gone for like. a billion jillion years and i apologize for that.

stuffs been shit lately. more than usual. i have found myself feeling things i have never felt befofre. i had HUGE black eye for a while [did it to myself. i am fine] and i liked it. thought i looked super cool. 

i started and finished some shows, did some rewatches the usual stuff for halloween. im being superman. like as a girl but still... superman. if that makes any sense.

i talked to a doctor, thats good. im gonna be getting help soon.hopefully. i painted some pillars for the community, that was cool. ive also been drawing a lot of chibis and stuff. so thats fun as well. maybe ill post some more art soon

i have been trying to write more. clearly i suck at it since ive left my blog abandoned for 3 weeks.

ive been making some new friends. been trying to at least. its weird i always feel like such a creeper at all times i get so worried people think im weird. and i am weird. i am so fucking weird. but i dont think i want people to think that about me.

i think everything wuld be perefct if i could just. never be percieved, never be judged. never be thought aboyt or missed or mourned or yearned for. everything would be perfevt if the only person who saw me was me. i love my friends and my family and my partners but everything would be so much better if i didnt exist. at least it would be better for me.

christ thats selfish. 

ive been growing my nails out. had to restart on like multiple fingers but thats fine.

halloween is tomorow and im not very excited. i like am happy to dress up and hang out with friends but i cant help not. be excited. i cant help being so miserable. maybe its just my body reacting to new meds

is lexapro always so weird at first? i tried it for the first time yesterday and i swear the sun went down and i had the worst headache of my god damn life and i was so awake but so drousy i just passed out. is it like that for anyone else or is there just something EXTRA wrong with me.

anyway, happy halloween everyone. ╰(◣﹏◢)╯